So, this is technically my first thready posty thingie. Lets hope I don't screw it up. because I'm a flipping idiot that probably won't live to be old So this is about my current girlfriend. I have had a girlfriend in the past, and in that relationship I was the "guy" and she was the "girl". (I am born female, sooooo). I never really felt anything serious toward her, just flimsy little 'hehehe first relationship' shit. Even though I honey-moon phased into being into a relationship with her for about 5 months, (yay me :dry: ) BUT So I am now with my current girlfriend. This time I actually feel something for her and stufffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff I just need someone to talk to bout all this :***:
So yeah. I was in class, so I couldn't type everything. So to continue, I had been in that relationship, and about 5-6 months in, I started liking my current girlfriend. Like really bad. My relationship with my first girlfriend, (we'll call 'em J for thier privacy/saftey) went on for about 8ish months, with the last 3 spent unintentionally shunning J and paying a ton of attention to my current girlfriend (and we shall call them A, again, for thier privacy/safety). It got to the piont when J was posting little sad things on her activity wall on Quotev (I will not give her Quotev out, because I still love her like a sister and stuff...) that went along the lines of 'you have seem to fallen short of what you normally show to me, where has your attention and love dissapered to?'. This was tearing me up, along with the fact that I had fallen so flipping hard for A. I was going to my locker for no reason, hoping she would walk by (hers was right above mine). I tried to distract myself from her with my friend (they will be called B, -instert saftey note-), and I formulated a crush on her. I felt nothing toward B, but I had to just stop thinking about A all of the time. But sure enough, a few things happened that totally -beep-ed that up. I will go by the order in which they happend, and what I can remember ( I have a sh!t memory because of my A.D.D and other stuff, no I did not self diagnose. I went to the flipping doctor). The first time I was at my friend M's house (-insert crap I have been saying-), and at one point we took all the cousions of the couchs and made a fort out of the couch bases. M was cuddling with her boyfriend, S2, -again sh!t-, and my other friend A3 was snuggled up in a corner with a bunch of pilliows and the cat. A and I where there, (J was at dance practice, so she couldn't come. I think this actually happened everytime, conicdentally), and A said she wanted to play with my hair (will continue next thread post)
(continued from last thread post... if this is getting to long, I'm super sorry... I need to get this off my chest...) So I was like, 'ok, sure. I have nothing better to do, and I can't steal the cat from A3...', when in reality I'm FREAKING OUT BECAUSE 1) A A A A A A A OMFG A WANTS TO ACTUALLY PLAY WITH MY HAIR OMG and 2) ever since I was a lil one, I have always LOVED when people play with my hair. LOVE. IT. and 3) it was getting awkward and I really had nothing better to do. So I kinda layed my head down on her lap where she was sitting criss cross and had a pillow, and she started playing with my hair. I. LOVED IT. so. much. Not to get all feely feels, but I kinda sorta felt actual love. Not, 'our friends ship us and say we line up perfectly with the youtube series they watch therefore we further showed the links between the fam and the series, PLUS I,m really desprete for a girlfriend becuase I am sad and alone and everybody is dating'. Actual I love you and I want to be with me and just hold me because I really need you. Lots of little things happened, like we found out that when you take my own hair and rub it against my nose, I kitten sneeze (extra pionts when she said I was really cute and adorable when I did that and jst awwwing when ever she did that from time to time), and we watched the corpse bride and everybody suggle-puddled, and we had grilled cheese together, and played Exploding Kitten, and we all spooned because it was really cold, and we listened to twenty one pilots and I cried because it explained all my problems with J (and I kind of just listened to A sing. Its kinds cheesy, corny and cliqe-y, but I get little termor things when she sings. ssssshh, don't tell, it's my little secret.... ). But yeah. The next time I had a signifigate time with A was when I had went to my friend, A2's house. My friends M, S1, S2 (S1 and S2 are twins), L, G, K, A2 (the host), B, and of course, A, where there (continued in next thread post)
this is the third time ive been having to type this... empty closets is being a b!tch...) So I was like, 'eh ok sure, I got nothing better to do, and A3 has the cat...', but in reality I was MCFREKIN OUT because 1) A A A A A OMFG A WANTS TO PLAY WITH MY HAIR OMFG AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH and 2) ever since I was a lil one, I have always loved people playing with my hair... love it! and finally 3) I really did have nothing better to do, and it was getting awkward. So I layed my head down in her lap and she just starting playing with it (which pretty much everyone wants to do, cuz my hair is boy short a flippy and soft and dyed fun colors [i have intense bangs that look a little emo]) For the first time, I felt love. Not fake 'we should totally date our friends ship us and say we line up perfectly with a youtube series they watch AND Im desprete as FUQ to date someone because I'm alone'. Real 'I want you to hold me. I just want to listen to your heart beat. I love you. I want to be with you'. This continued as we did little obscure things, like we found out that if you rub my bangs on my nose, I'll kitten sneeze (+points for her thinking it's cute!), we watched the Corpse Bride, and we all cuddle puddled and listened to Twenty One Pilots, during which I just listened to A sing. (everytime she sings I get little tremors. Like extreme spine chills.) When that was all over, I felt shitty, because it felt like I was cheating on J. (continued in next post) ---------- Post added 16th Dec 2016 at 12:24 AM ---------- ...continued) The next time, I was going to my friend A2's house -name sh!t- for her birthday. The girls were sleeping over, and the guys were leaving at 11:00 pm. I got there at 4:35 pm and left at 8:30 in the morning the next day. IfI remember corectly, my friends M, S1, S2, (S1 and S2 are twinos), B, L, G, K, A2 (the host) and, of course, A, was there. At first we were just derping around on I funny and running around A2's neighboor hood in shrek masks (LONG STORY DON'T ASK), but we ended up settling down and piling on the couch, drinking pop and eating A2's shrek cake. We started playing wii sketch and sh!t mostly just fraking around with each other. When we had started piling on the couch, I was sitting towards the end of the couch, and A was in the middle. She looked up and said (Ill call myself Jayden) 'Hey Jayden. Come over here.' And I kind slide over into the space under her arm and she put her arm around me. We stayed like this, and every time we moved locations,or got up and came back, we always got back in this position. At one point, we got tired of watching porkchop and flatscreen,A2 pulled up Salad Fingers. IT.WAS.SCARRING. The entire time, I burrowed into A just whimpering, and she just kept on saying 'its ok'. We moved on from that and we ended up playing wii sketch again. At this point she had her arm around me and her hand just under my shoulder on my arm. She just slowly moved her hand up and down, almost scraching, almost stroking. IT DROVE ME INSANE. I love love loved it. She stopped, and I wanted her to start again, but I couldn't work up the guts to ask. When B, S1 and S2 left at 11:00, we turned on Princess Mononokae, because I had never seen it. Me and A feel asleep with her arm around me and me under her arm (2B continued)
...) I was still dating J, so again I felt sh!tty. The next time that was signifigant was M's birthday. I was going over to M's with A2, S1,S2,L,B,K and A. I had just broken up with J, and I felt sh!tty, but hey! At least I was a single pringle that wanted to mingle with you know who. For the first hour and a half we at cake and shot each other with nerfguns. Then we went to a haunted house. It wasn't even that scary, but it gave me an excuse to hold A's hand. Me an K and A2 had previously talked about me wanting to just get it over with and tell A I wanted to date. K made the joke that I should try to make a move on A in th haunted house. I still kinda hate her for it. But when we got home, we made a couch fort again and a piled in to watch Beetlejuice. Somehow, in the process of lying next to A, we ended up dating. I can't remember how exactly, but we did. Imma go to bed for the night, I may finish this in the morning. Night! continued in next post
