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How do i tell my dad about my step mum?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by macintosh, Dec 18, 2016.

  1. macintosh

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    Hi, I'm new to this site btw so please be gentle :lol:
    My step mum is extremely homophobic to the point where it actually scares me. Every time I enter a room she turns, each time I share my views on any subject (mainly to do with sexuality and politics) she frowns at me. But by far the most upsetting for me is whenever I enter a room and the TV is touching on the subject specifically on male on male romance, she gags towards me. But once i leave the room and it's still playing she stops, as if to say. "Learn from my reaction that you are disgusting."
    I understand that straight people are not used to the thought of having an intimate relationship with the same sex. But I don't think gagging is a way of stating that you're not used to it, I think it's a way of saying I'm not okay with it.
    I can't really tell my step mum this, because she's mostly drunk and would probably chuck something at me, so i figured If i told me dad he would have a more mature approach. I actually think that my father is bisexual so this may work out. The only problem is I don't know how. I don't want to be horrible and mean to anyone, so that means I'm not going to cuss my step mum. This makes things difficult.
    Can anyone give any tips?

    Thanks :icon_bigg

    ~Macintosh
     
  2. tgboymom

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    I'm not sure how to go about telling your dad but I have a question. Would your father approve of the emotional abuse you are being subjected to? Make no mistake.... it's abuse. Your father feels a connection with you that she can never feel. Keep that in mind!
     
  3. macintosh

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    You'd be surprised how much he wants to satisfy his wife, which is normal but i feel like he'd save her over me in any situation.
    But honestly, I'd like to believe that if i said anything he'd help me out. He's been through a lot in his younger life, i wouldn't think he'd like the thought of his son being emotionally tormented.
     
  4. AnAtypicalGuy

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    To me it seems that all you can do is be upfront with him. First off, do you know for sure about his views on the LGBT community? If not, try asking him general questions about his views. It would be best to know for sure that you will be safe with your dad before letting him in on your struggles. Once you're fairly sure that he'll accept you, come out to him (assuming that you haven't done so already), then tell him all the concerns that you wrote here.

    You mentioned how you didn't want to be "horrible or mean to anyone", but the truth is that your step mum is being exactly that towards you, if not worse. She is mocking and degrading you with what seems to be the intent of hurting you, and if this goes on for any longer or becomes more frequent, it could easily reach the level of verbal abuse.
     
  5. Creativemind

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    You could always come out to him and see what his reaction is first. If he is supportive, explain her stance and that you feel threatened by it.
     
  6. macintosh

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    I have come out to both of them. But I'm not sure if he's supportive or just secretly praying that i turn out straight. he kind of just said be who you want it doesn't matter.
     
  7. Barbatus

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    Hi,

    Sorry to hear your step-mum is being so horrible to you. If you want to speak to your dad then it would be a good idea to make sure your step-mum is not around so you have time and space to speak to him.

    Speaking to him, you just need to be honest about how your step-mum behaves and how it makes you uncomfortable and unwelcome in the house (your home as well I'm assuming). You could also point out that whatever her views she shouldn't be behaving like a child (I don't know how'd you phrase that less abrasively) and talk about how that makes you feel. I think if you talk to him just being clear and honest about how your feel might be the best approach. So you'd say things with the focus on how it affects you rather than about what you don't like or would want changed in your step-mum.

    I hope that helps somewhat, my point is mainly about keeping the focus on you rather than it sounding like you are targeting your step-mum. You could also put the things you want to say on here and get some feedback or if you have specific things you want to discuss then hopefully we can help.

    All the best.