First Date!

Hi guys,

I came out to my family 2 years ago now and since then have not been on one date with a girl... Well, I finally connected with someone online & we're meeting up tonight! I'm a little nervous though as I have hardly any experience with dating. I've never been out with a girl before, and even before I came out I didn't really date boys.

So I'm 25 years old and just kind of nervous because I have no experience what so ever.

Also I told my mom & she was happy for me but had to add: "you are not out of the closet so if anyone finds out they can out you before you have a chance to yourself and I don't want that to happen to you either."

Is this just a scare tactic that my mom is doing because she's just worried about me?? Yes, I'm only out to my family but it's not like I'm going to go around announcing to people that I'm gay before I even have a relationship. In the past I was scared of other people finding out, as I was worried if it would affect my relationships and career. As of right now if I ran into someone that I know I don't know how I would handle it, as I haven't really been thinking about it. Is there even a proper way to let people other than your family know that you're gay. Do you just let them figure it out for themselves once they see that I'm (maybe) in a relationship with a girl? Is other people outing me really something to worry about??

I will say I was not thinking about that at all until my mom had to say that :icon_sad:

Any words of encouragement or advice is very much appreciated! :icon_bigg

 

Thank you so much to everyone that replied!

This is perfect - thank you so much for this! Next time she mentions something like this (she has said this before to me) I will take your advice.

As for the date, I think it went really well! We walked to a restaurant that was near her house and got drinks and shared a few appetizers. When I got home I texted her to let her know that I had a really good time, she said that she did as well so I mentioned that we should do it again sometime.

Now, as I mentioned before I'm completely new to this... I really want a second date with her & don't want this to just fizzle out. I'm also scared though of seeming extra needy, etc...

How soon is too soon to plan a second date? Should I just put it out there & ask her? I was thinking Friday would be a good day since the holiday is this weekend, and I didn't want to wait almost a whole week to see her again!

Ahh I just don't know how any of this works (and I'm really embarrassed bc I'm 25 & have hardly dated..), but I really like her and want to see where this could go.

 

So I texted her today to see how her day is going, but haven't really been hearing from her. It took over an hour for her to reply back to my first text, and after that all her texts have been sporadic. I wanted to see if she wanted to get together on friday, but I'm not sure now if I should ask her or not. I thought it went really well, but maybe she didn't...

 

Thank you guys! I was getting in my own head today, and when I mentioned it to my sister (who then told my mom) they both told me to not even ask her for second date. They both then proceeded to tell me to "be careful" if people see me basically. Since it was brought up again I decided to let them know that them saying that bothers me, and I don't mind if people see me.

My mom seems to think that people will then go around talking about me, and told me that I haven't "come out" to everyone yet. I tried to let her know that I'm not going to go around telling random people that I'm gay, and that I don't mind people seeing. To me, that's a way to come out. She seems to think that if people that I'm not straight it will be very bad for me, while for me I've been seeing a lot of people being very accepting around where I live. She got upset with me however when I asked her not to say that again to me.

I haven't heard from her in awhile now, but I think I'll text her tomorrow & see about meeting up one more time. I'd rather at least try and have her say no then be left thinking what if.

 

How does this sound to send to her? Is it too needy?

Hey so I had a really good time the other night, and would love to get together again to get to know you more. I was wondering if you wanted to do something tomorrow (or I was wondering if I could take you out tomorrow?)

I definitely know I'm overthinking this, I'm normally a very confident person but I've been so ok with being alone for so long that when I found someone finally that I hit it off with and am attracted to I'm scared to let it slip by.

And I'm probably being a little paranoid too because for the last week and a half I've been waiting for a letter to be mailed to me (it'll be sent on 12/27) letting me know if I've moved on to the next round of interviews for a job that I've applied for. I thought I did well but all this waiting is going to my head and I just feel so off right now.

Thank you for this! I am planning on texting her today, maybe around 1pm? Granted we only actually started talking on Sunday before we met up Tuesday night, but before we met she was a pretty consistent texter. But I see what you mean, I myself am a pretty bad texter usually & sometimes forget to even text people back.

I guess I'm just feeling a little insecure right now since it was my first date with a girl and I really liked her.. It took me a long time for myself to accept my sexuality, I really struggled with accepting myself. I kind of accidentally came out to my mom (who then told my dad & siblings..), but since then I feel like I've become almost a whole different person and am so at peace with myself. However, my family saying stuff like be careful if people see you and I guess the fear of being rejected when I finally was able to put myself out there is bringing back old feelings.

 

That is exactly me... I just texted her to see if I could take her out tomorrow. Now I'm anxiously awaiting a response... So we'll see! Hopefully she answers me, I'd rather have an answer at least even if it's no. But I'm glad I tried to ask at least.