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Boyfriend is talking to his ex, refuses to let me touch his phone now?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Cwhitlock, Dec 22, 2016.

  1. Cwhitlock

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    My boyfriend of two years has suddenly begun talking to his ex, I caught this because he simply forgot to log out of skype on my computer. He has had a very hard month, his work has downsized so he is getting less hours and is likely his store is closing. He dropped two classes because he couldnt manage two jobs to make up for the hours.

    In his texts he talks about suicide, a couple times he tells his ex that I never meant anything to him. I moved from california to Maryland for him, I am open, honest and I love him very much. He apologized, cried saying that was a mistake that he was just mad. But now he hides his phone. He wont let me meet his ex and I have caught him more than once in the bath talking to him via txt.

    Yesterday I tried to take a photo shoot while having sex, which we have done before and he got very angry I touched his phone. So much so he stopped having sex with me where it has never been an issue before.

    I have spoken to him that I can no longer trust him and his Ex without proof that nothing is going on. I know they swap photos because I have caught that too. I have no idea if they are sexual. I would have loved to trust him with his ex but this shady behaviour and the untrusting attitude to let me see, touch or use his phone has me worried. His response to me saying that is that I am forcing him to give up a friend and he will not. He wont involve me in that relationship.

    His ex lives 3 states away but I dont want to be a fool, to live like this but I want to work through this if I can. How can I give myself confidence to not cannibilize the relationship and help him understand that he is making it hard to trust him?
     
  2. Creativemind

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    Sorry, but this is a huge red flag. It would be one thing if someone had a pure platonic relationship with their ex, but if that were the case, he wouldn't be so defensive over hiding these conversations. Also, the fact he told them that you never meant anything to him and then tried to cover it? What? That's another red flag here.

    Something is going on between them judging by his behavior.
     
  3. Cwhitlock

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    Thing is we live together. Which makes this so much harder. We are both on the lease. Which means if he doesnt leave, I am still liable to pay rent if I do. If he would just be honest, that he doesnt love me we could work on being friends but he is so shady now, that I have no way of trusting him.
     
  4. robclem21

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    I agree with the above poster. There are a lot of red flags here that you need to get to the bottom of. I think at this point the truth should be your priority and then the lease and other details of your relationship should come afterwards.
     
  5. Chip

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    Authenticity is everything. If he isn't comfortable letting you see his phone, he's hiding something. In other circumstances, I'd just be done. Even if you convince him to let you see the phone... it is the lack of authenticity that is the problem, not the specifics of what has or has not transpired. And if he hasn't been authentic before... there's zero reason to believe he will do so going forward.

    So if it were me and I were stuck in a lease, I'd treat the situation as if he is cheating on you with his ex. Act as though the relationship is over, due to his lack of transparency, and you'll be handling things as though he's a roommate, and tell him as much. It really sucks, but I don't think you're going to accomplish anything except getting hurt more by trying to make it work.
     
  6. Chiroptera

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    I agree with Chip. Obviously, privacy is important, but if he is actively hiding something from you and showing that he isn't comfortable letting you see his phone, then it is clear that he is probably not being honest with you.

    It sucks, and it is indeed a hard situation, but relatioships need to be based on honesty, and, judging by your post, that's not what is happening.
     
  7. AlmostBlue

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    I think the worst for me is that he said that you never meant anything to him. That is incredibly upsetting, and indicate that not only he is a shady douchebag, but also that this relation is already over. I think it's best to try to move on instead of prolonging this and making the inevitable fall even harder