So, I came out to everyone this past semester and started to look for my first real relationship. While using various dating apps, I met this one guy and we clicked instantly (like the third date he asked if I wanted to be his boyfriend.) And, eventually, I said yes and we've been dating for almost 2 months now Everything was fine at the beginning, generally I think because we were just getting to know each other, but the more I got to know him, the more it seemed to me that my life was going absolutely nowhere. He does so much and is very talented in many different aspects, and I view him as better than me in every single way (better looking, smarter, stronger, more sociable, etc). Basically, he has the potential to do so much in life and I feel as though I am only holding him back. It made me really question my life and think that I'm just not deserving of him. I've spent the last few weeks in this constant state of mind of me doing absolutely nothing with my life and having no real passions or talents or anything to offer the world like he does. Yet for some reason, he still wanted to remain in this relationship with me regardless. I am not trying to break up with him by any means, because in all, he has made me really happy and, from what he tells me, I am extremely special to him and he feels lucky to have me. I just need to find out what to say to him when I see him after winter break when we have a heart to heart conversation, but any advice or comments would really be appreciated.
It is important in any relationship to not compare yourself to your partner. Your relationship should be judged on how you are together and not what your individual styles, jobs, income, and habits are. If you are happy together and you have no reason to distrust him then you need to find a way to be okay with your differences. When you love someone, those things play only a very small role and the deeper qualities of the person you are with play a much bigger role. You should try to focus on those characteristics that he obviously likes. I've been in several relationships where my partner has felt the way you do and it becomes incredibly difficult to maintain a strong relationship. Continuous doubt and questioning eventually start to convince the other person that you are not good enough and it just does become a vicious cycle of feeling crappy. You should be honest with him about how you are feeling, and also try to propose some ways for you to deal with it and not leave it up to him to figure out. At the end of the day, this is a problem that is manifesting only in your mind and he shouldn't feel like he needs to be less successful or happy for you to feel accomplished in a relationship. You should each be fully supportive of the other regardless. Hope it goes well.
Thank you very much for your help. My close friends gave me very similar advice and it does help for me to hear this. I do intend on telling him how I feel when I see him after winter break. I just hope he is understanding because this is my first relationship and have never felt like this to this degree before in my life. Though I've always struggled with self esteem issues and and a lack of self worth, an inferiority complex if you will. The other problem is I feel like he feels the same way about me (that he doesn't deserve me). He consistently tells me how smart, good looking, talented, and great I am, but I just don't see it, so I end up thinking he just says that to make me feel better. We're both still in college and this is his last semester before he graduates (I still have a year and a half left) and I really don't want this too end because I really do like him a lot and I can tell he really likes me.
