1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

I don't think my straight crush is straight

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by gypsylife, Dec 26, 2016.

  1. gypsylife

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 25, 2016
    Messages:
    5
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Detroit
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    I posted this in 2 spots because it fits in both.

    Alright, so I'm guessing that a lot of you know what it's like to be in love with a straight person that you are friends with. And that's where I am, I am in love with my straight guy friend and have spent a lot of time just dealing with it and fantasizing about being in a relationship with him. We are both 20 years old. I have been friends with him for over a year now (we met at our job), and we hang out all the time now and have a close friendship. He has told me that he admires LGBTQ+ people that come out to their parents (and others) because he knows it takes a lot of courage a lot of the time, but he's glad he won't have to do that. But I have a really prominent suspicion that he is in the closet (I assume he's bi and not gay only because he has mentioned once that this girl was pretty). Also, more back story (because I know this could be a factor in him possibly being bi/ gay); his mom is not super religious, but I do know his dad is sort of religious. But they are fine with LGBTQ+ people

    Now, I am the kind of guy who says and does a lot of stereotypical gay things (like I say girl all the time, talk with my hands, have a stereotypical "gay accent", etc.) and my friend has started to do all of those things a little after we became friends a year ago. He is very into "gay culture", jokes and my experiences when I talk about it, and is never weirded out. Another thing he does is that he also always randomly comes up to me (and also behind me as of recently) and hugs me very firmly for long periods of time and has recently started putting his head down in my neck crevice (I don't know how to describe it lol). I rarely will initiate a hug, only because he usually beats me to it. He is about six feet tall, and I am five food three, so he definitely does not have to do that. I have seen that he also hugs other people, but not at all in the same way he hugs me. Also, when we first started working together, I would say things like "look at this thing I made, it's so ugly" and he would reply "well at least you are adorable". That part has stopped since we became closer, but the hugging is a very very common thing when we are together.

    Last week, we were hanging out and listening to music at my house. He was laying on my bed and I was sitting upright, right beside him. I made some joke about doing something random to him that I know he hates (nothing sexual or embarrassing) and we laugh and he puts up his hand (with his fingers spread out) as he said "Oh god! No, you can't!". I grab his hand without thinking about it and say "Yes, come on! I totally am going to!". As we are laughing I notice as he continues to play-beg me not to do it, he has wrapped his fingers around my hand, and then we move to our fingers being interlocked. I stopped talking and look at us holding hands (my heart was jumping for joy because I am in love with him and I've dreamed for this moment). He then looked at me and pulled me towards him while saying "Bring it in." My heart literally skipped a beat and I wasn't sure if I was asleep. I wasn't. He pulled me into his arms and we laid there on my bed laying (on our stomachs) with our arms around each other. This lasted for about twenty minutes and I was overjoyed. He lives about a half an hour away and it was late so he got up to leave, but as he did he said in a cute way "Come here." And then he hugged me and put his head down so it could rest on my shoulders and held me really tight. I was rubbing his head while we hugged for a little bit and he kept squeezing me like it was the last time we would see each other. This hug lasted for about thirty seconds (which is a long hug IMO) and we talked about how much it sucked that he had to live so far away. I walked him downstairs and out to his car and than we hugged again for a while before he got into his car.

    I saw him a few days later and everything was fine. He was not acting weird and actually hugged me again (first) and things felt really good. But I am more confused than I was before. Correct me if I am wrong, but I seriously doubt it is normal for a straight guy (that acts sort of stereotypically gay a lot of the time" to always look into an obviously out gay man's eyes and hold him very closely while hugging, tell him to "come here", cuddle for a long time to slow music and say he is adorable. I am excited that this has happened, but I am so confused. We are hanging out tomorrow and I want to see if that kind of stuff happens again while we listen to music and hang out. If it works out, I would love a relationship!

    So what do you all think? Do you think he is in the closet and could have feelings for me? Or am I reading too much into everything that has happened recently and in the past year? I really need some other people’s opinions because I don’t know what to do next or how to feel now.

    Thank you, and please help!
     
  2. robclem21

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 14, 2011
    Messages:
    724
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Toronto, Ontario
    It doesn't sound farfetched for you to think what you do. He could be gay or straight or bi based on what you describe. There are two ways you could go with this. Continue doing what you are doing and slowly try to advance things and see if he plays along with it (hold hands slightly longer, move your head closer to his and see how he reacts, etc.), or you could just simply ask him. There is always a chance that your friendship will take a step back if he doesn't respond positively, but he seems supportive so it likely will just be awkward for a bit. Up to you really since you know your friendship better than us.
     
  3. oboe

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2016
    Messages:
    24
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    KC
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    That was really cute to read and I can definitely see why you're confused. I would definitely look into it but don't come on too strongly. If it ever feels appropriate, tell him how you feel. There's a chance that he won't have the same feelings back even if it seems like it right now.

    I had a similar situation. He would give me hugs, we would sleep on one bed and cuddle, give me piggy back rides, hold hands while walking and say things in a "cute" way. But I also knew he's had sex with girls before and talks about how pretty some of them are. I told him how I felt about him. He didn't have the same feelings back and said he was sorry for leading me on because "he likes to joke around."

    We barely talk anymore and don't even see each other. Part of me wishes I never told him bevause we could continue doing those things but I know that wouldn't hurt me in the long run. My advice is that don't get too attached because there's a chance he won't have the same feelings back. Whenever you're ready and the situation is right, tell him how you feel. Good luck and keep us updated!
     
  4. gypsylife

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 25, 2016
    Messages:
    5
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Detroit
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Thank you for your responses! I did hang out with him this past Monday, and some things did happen. We laid down again on my bed and he let me put my arm around him and walk my fingers up and down his arms and head (idk, cute stuff like that lol). But while we were like that, we somehow got onto the topic of how butts are more important to him than boobs and that left me a little meh, but it is what it is. It only furthers the tallies on the probably bi/ straight side. But the fact that he still let me keep my arm around him and play with his hair and stuff still left me confused. Moving on though, I had gotten him a Christmas present last week, and he surprised me with a present and money for the dinner we just had that I paid for. I really did not need the money, but it was nice that he offered it, and I did not expect the present at all! He's so sweet. We went out to eat again after a few hours of just being in my room on my bed, and when he dropped me back off at my house at the end of our time together he put his arm around me and held me tightly again. I leaned over and put my head on his shoulder and we stayed like that for a while (since I can't hang out with him for like two weeks) before I got out of the car. A little later that night, I sent him a thank you text and he replied with a cute response.

    So now I am basically still where I was, but I am finding it harder and harder to be alright with not knowing what is going on. I really want to being it up to him, but I don't want to ruin the openness that we have right now and I don't want to create a wedge between us because he gets awkward/ uncomfortable. We are so close and I am finding myself always wanting to hang out with him rather than others, but it is getting difficult (emotionally) with these feelings and the uncertainty. I will see what happens the next time we hang out and maybe hint at the question(s) I have without scaring him away, making him self conscious, etc.

    I will keep you all updated!