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My boyfriend does everything for me.

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by dawnflood, Dec 26, 2016.

  1. dawnflood

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    Hello Empty Closets :smilewave

    Basically my boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for about a month now, and I really want things to work out, but there are a few things that are annoying me.

    I really don't like to say 'annoying me' because it sounds harsh, but it's the truth and I can't help how it makes me feel.

    Basically whenever I've done things with my boyfriend he always tries to make me happy. He doesn't let me pay for things, he basically won't let me lift a finger. If I make a mess and try to clean it up he won't let me, he will make sure he does it. If I say I'm going to make some food, he wont let me and he will go make it, and so much more. It's kind of suffocating. He always leaves the decisions to me, like for example I wanted to take him to a movie and asked what he wanted to see and he said "Whatever you want, I don't mind" which doesn't seem bad right? I told him I want him to choose and he says things like "Pick a movie you want to see, as long as you like it I'm happy.". It just gets to me because he won't ever let me do anything for him. There was this one time we were at a party and he was visibly not enjoying it and I asked if he was ok and he said he was when he was clearly uncomfortable.

    He's told me before that if I upset him he won't tell me that I have, because he always wants me to be happy.

    It makes me feel suffocated and guilty and I have no idea what to do. I can't do anything for myself when I'm with him and I feel mean if I object. I've told him how I felt about it and he just said "I wont stop because I want to make you happy."

    It's kind of getting me down and I just wanted to talk about it and maybe get some advice. Am I right to feel this way? I really want this relationship to work.
     
  2. Quantumreality

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    Hey dawnflood,

    What you said makes a lot of sense. A real relationship is 2-way, with constant communication. If he feels like doing nice things for you, that's great! But, like you, I would be TOTALLY uncomfortable if he even tried to pretty much do EVERYTHING for me.

    Clearly, you have a close relationship with him, but it seems like it's unbalanced. Have you tried to tell him that he makes you so uncomfortable by doing everything for you?
     
  3. AlmostBlue

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    Tell him that if he really wants you to be happy, then he has to respect your wishes to not be always taken care of. Sometimes, you want to do nice things for your boyfriend, and he is robbing you of that opportunity, which is making you unhappy, and not happy as your boyfriend seems to be thinking.

    You are totally justified. You need to communicate clearly to him that you are not happy at all when he tries to make you happy, and that you wish him to really see you as a person with real needs, instead of the "boyfriend" who he thinks that by doing everything, happiness is automatically guaranteed. If he can't accomodate that, then that means he is more into the idea of having a boyfriend than having you as a boyfriend, and unfortunately would not work out. But either way, please do communicate this!
     
  4. Lalayajen

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    I have this problem with my boyfriend too. I just try make it two way by buyimg him surprise gifts or when we want to go out and he tells me to choose the cafe or restaurant so I pick 3 and ask him to make final decision. It is working somehow. Hope it helps you too.
     
  5. Miri

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    I agree with AlmostBlue. Your boyfriend's really meaning well, but you should tell him that if he really wants to make you happy, he needs to stop bottling up his own emotions and let you know what's going on when he isn't happy, because it makes you upset not to know.