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Gay vs. Straight Relationship

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by IceGalaxy, Dec 27, 2016.

  1. IceGalaxy

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    Hi,

    I'm a 17 year old bi guy, who is still in school and has never been in a relationship. Frankly, one of the most irritating things about being bi is not knowing whether I will end up married in a gay or straight relationship. Therefore, I am naturally curious as to what the differences are from the two. Are there?

    Obviously, in a perfect world there wouldn't and shouldn't be any difference between the two relationships but in reality it seems to me that straight relationships seem to have the edge over gay ones.

    In straight relationships, having a child and starting a family is a much simpler process. Also passers-by don't shout slurs or at best, stare at you holding hands. There is also no issues with family (and my family is a pretty homophobic one) or travelling to countries where there it is illegal to love the person you married.

    And the worst part is that I can't help myself but be put off ever having a relationship with another guy in the future or even coming out. Yet I would still describe myself as more gay than straight. But even though I might be happier with a guy, choosing a gay relationship over a straight one seems like shooting myself in the foot.

    Whichever option I choose, I feel I am pretty much screwed for the rest of my life. :frowning2:
     
  2. smurf

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    I totally get what you are saying. I had the exact same worries when I was in high school

    I'll answer some of your questions

    Its all relative. More and more straight couples are having fertility issues. It can be an expensive ordeal. Also, unplanned pregnancies are never fun so thats a +1 for gay couples.

    This is all assuming that the person who you fall in love with even wants kids or if you are able to afford them. It also ignores the fact that some trans guys can/want to get pregnant.

    But you get the point. More complicated that you realize.

    It depends where you live, but I'm personally very into PDA and I'm lucky enough to count on one hand the number of times it has happened. But again depends where you live.

    Yeah okay so this one kinda sucks. Doable tho! I thought my family was going to be incredibly hard to deal with. And yeah, my coming out wasn't super pretty and we fought a lot, but my WHOLE family was at my wedding.

    You family can surprise you :slight_smile:

    Most countries it will be fine. Just stay away from countries where they can legally kill you... but then again why would you want to go support a country like that even if you were with a straight relationship?

    Any other place you will be fine.


    All that being said, you will see that while you will try to be as logical as you can about this all, what you aren't calculating is who you will fall in love with.

    So, take it one step a time. Focus on right now.

    If coming out isn't an option, then that's fine. Survival comes first, but don't feel like you have to stay in the closet afraid for the rest of your life. You will meet people that will make it all worth it
     
  3. Quantumreality

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    Hey 4325ISJ,

    I understand your concerns, but you are kind of putting the cart before the horse. We can’t choose who are attracted to nor with whom we fall in love. Making a ‘conscious’ decision on the type of relationships you have instead of going with your feelings could make you unhappy in the longrun.

    In terms of same-sex vs opposite-sex relationships, there are, of course differences and unique challenges involved in both types of relationships. There is no such thing as a ‘simple’ relationship and serious, long-term relationships require constant work. That’s just life.

    In the meantime, though, rather than fretting about the views and prejudices of outsiders towards any relationship you may have, why not just focus your efforts on finding someone with whom you will be happy. It can be amazing what you are willing to face when you have a partner whom you love and with whom you have mutual support.

    Just some thoughts.:slight_smile:
     
  4. bunnydee

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    I can only answer from my own life experiences. I am lesbian and because of upbringing/family - I have lived 'straight'. I agree with both the above posters. Love is love. If you try to plan it, it won't be real because love isn't logically based. If we loved the person we were supposed to love, life would be much simpler.

    Long-term relationships are hard no matter what. If the obstacle isn't the who, it will be something else. No relationship is easier, but being happy with who you are and truly loving makes up for the hardships you face.

    For your other questions, I think smurf hit the target.
     
  5. Anthemic

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    I agree, it does seem more simple to be in a heterosexual relationship than in a gay relationship. But, I choose to follow my desires. Why? Because I feel that I will never be truly fulfilled in a straight relationship. I will always crave a woman. And I'd be depriving my spouse from finding a fulfilling relationship with someone who wants him as much as he wants me. I refuse to be in a relationship just because it seems easier with society, my family, etc. It's MY life. So I'm going to live it the way that makes me happy.
     
  6. Creativemind

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    I'm a lesbian that identified as bisexual for two years. I think I was in denial, and thought opposite sex relationships were easier as well. Which is sort of true. However, there are a lot of drawbacks as well. I also know plenty of gay/bi men who have shared their experiences, so I hope I can understand this both ways.

    As for the children thing, It's true. Straight couples have it easier, and they get a child that shares the genes of both sides. On the flip side, you also have to worry about unwanted pregnancies. And as a man, you are completely helpless and don't get to choose what you want to do. You want the baby and she doesn't? She can have an abortion and you get no say. You don't want the baby but she does? She can have the baby and force you to pay child support. So there is a huge disadvantage against men when it comes to disagreements on children. He's doesn't really get to choose. That's one major con for dating women, although getting biological children is a pro. With men, the con is that you can't have biological children (that are both of yours), but there's no accidental pregnancies.

    Now, another thing I want to bring up is the discrimination part of dating the same sex. This is true for both genders, but they experience different kinds of hatred. Gay men get slurs shouted at them and are more likely to experience street violence. Lesbians are more likely to experience sexual violence (rape) for being open about not liking men. Both sides may prefer opposite sex relationships for this reason (if bi) and that's understandable.

    However, I've also seen cons about dating the opposite sex. I'm a woman so this is my point of view on straight relationships and why I don't like them. They feel unbalanced. A lot of straight men are sexist and hold double standards. They like to "control" some women. I've seen men who ask the woman looks unrealistically beautiful; shaves everything, wears make-up, looks plastic, etc. But they themselves put no effort in their appearances, having scraggly beards and being out of shape. What I like about other women is there no double standard. A woman who wants me to shave everything and look beautiful would also be doing the same for herself, so It's an equal trade.

    I hate that I have to be extremely feminine to attract men when it isn't me. I hate that I feel pressured to do sex acts I might not want like anal and MFF threesomes when I can't ask the guy to do pegging or MMF threesomes without him throwing a fit. I don't like being penetrated and more women are understanding of why. It's a fact that women get more orgasms from other women than from men. There's less misogyny and macho crap from dating other women.

    So to me, the cons of being discriminated against from straights are still preferable over the gender role garbage in straight relationships.

    And I'm not just bashing straight men, because I can argue that dating a straight woman as a guy has the same problems.

    For example, some guys feel that they have to initiate everything in relationships. Asking out hundreds of girls only to be rejected over and over again which hurts their self esteem. Maybe they wish they could be asked out, but women are not likely to do so. Some men hate the social standard of having to pay for everything when they go out. Some men hate having to be super macho masculine to avoid coming off as gay. But if they're already gay they don't have much to lose. There's more exploration in gay sex as well, since you can switch between top and bottom. Both the penis and the prostate experience pleasure, and it seems sad to miss out on both of those things just because straight men are afraid of looking gay. Men understand other men more so there are less misunderstandings.

    And probably the biggest con of straight dating is that you are bisexual. Most straight women despise bisexual men, consider them a dealbreaker, and stereotype them of being HIV invested and leaving them for other men. If you choose to only straight date, having your girlfriend find out your sexuality will make it so she might leave you and hurt your social image.

    With all of that being said, I am not trying to say that hetero relationships are completely terrible relationships to be in. I know I bashed them a lot in this post, and I don't want to scare you away from them or anything. I'm only bringing up the fact that straight relationships CAN have cons and bad points, so romantizing them over gay relationships isn't always true. They both have their pros and cons.
     
  7. Quantumreality

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    I would concur with Creativemind's comment on biphobia. It is also true of many gay men. A common biphobic misconception is that bisexuals can't be monogamous or faithful in a relationship - that someone of the opposite sex to our current partner will turn our heads and we will just run off. Not true, of course. Bisexuals are no less and no more likely to cheat on their partners than monosexuals.

    Having said all of that, because biphobia is quite common among both heterosexuals and homosexuals, I prefer not to tell a partner that I am bisexual until it looks likely that we will be in a long-term relationship. By that time she or he usually knows me well enough to ignore any biphobia that they may harbor - and, if they can't overcome their biphobia at that point, they aren't a viable long-term partner for me.

    Just some more thoughts.