My parents are both Mormon. Before I was sure of my sexuality, I got baptized, too. In part to please my parents. I am getting adopted by them in a few weeks. My mom insisted that I would not have a good, happy life. She also told me she would be very hurt if I decided to throw the church to the wind and continue liking girls/being or even thinking I am trans ftm. I adore my mother and love her so very much. I don't want her to hurt. They think it is because I hang out with gay/bisexual/pansexual/transgender people and want to be like them. It's not. They also said that when I got baptized, I was super calm and happy, and since I haven't read the bible or book of Mormon, I've kinda fell off that path. Not that I don't believe that there isn't a god, but I believe in science. Evolution, the big bang, stuff like that. I do not want to continue lying to myself for my parents, but I don't want them to hurt. I deeply hurt thinking about how this would affect them. I've already come out as bisexual, and they took that not so well. Not as bad as some parents, but not very good, either. I have not come out about my genderfluidity/transgender self, partially because I don't know, and partially because it would wreck our relationship. They have expressed they love me either way, but they want to know if I intend on leaving the church. At this point, I think I do. I don't want them to be upset that I am, but I guess that is inevitable. I have very bad anxiety and depression, knowing I am about to/will ruin the small world my parents have created for me and my small siblings, and the baby she is pregnant with. Any help is appreciated. Thanks in advanced...
I'm not sure if this well help much, But i can share some of my own story and maybe that will at least help you to not feel alone. My parents are catholic, and my grandparents even more so. When I told my mom I liked girls, she made me hide it from everyone. She wanted to make sure it wasn't a phase. It was a year after that before I told my dad, who was much more open, and didn't mind telling anyone. I'm not sure if any of my grandparents know/knew, but i've never discussed it with any of them. I've never told anyone in my family that I'm trans. I used to be very religious as well, and I respect the idea of religion. For me personally, it just never fully worked out. I was confirmed in the catholic church, and even have a tattoo of a cross to commemorate that time in my life. But As I grew older, for me personally, religion and my identity were at war. Religion lost. I don't know much about the mormon church I'm afraid. I'm not sure if it's something you can leave and rejoin later if that's what you choose to do. I faded in and out of catholicism and even other forms of christianity before giving in all together and calling myself an Atheist. In my opinion, and that's all it is really, an opinion, lying to yourself and others about religion can be harmful. If you don't believe, you just don't. And that might not be because of your identity, but because of how you perceive the universe. If you do believe, from my experience there are ways to follow faith and still be LGBT+. It's a tough situation, Cross. But I think if you meditate on it and ask yourself the right questions, you'll find the path that's best suited for you.
Thanks, Jack. Maybe you're not so crazy after all The mormon religion does not affiliate with the LGBT+ community al all. Even adopted children of gay parents cannot be in the church. You can leave and rejoin, but it is a hard process. Thanks for sharing your story with me, anyhow.
Hi Crossy Road! I grew up in the LDS church, and I recently left after years of suffering. The church has high expectations, and being a part of the LGBTQ+ community certainly does not meet their requirements. I also live in Utah which makes it even more difficult. I didn't feel comfortable coming out to my parents and leaving the church until I had moved out and was financially dependent. Fortunately, they were supportive. I don't know how old you are, but it sounds like you are still a minor, so that makes it tough. I have dealt with depression and anxiety for years, and I promise it will get better! Good luck Let me know if you ever want to talk!
It is important to realise that it is mostly their own mind that is hurting them, is is not really you. Assuming there's not some deeper childhood issues at play here and you are not doing this to subconsciously actually hurt them (yeah the subconscious mind does that sometimes, sometimes we do sabotage ourselves to get back at out parents), there is not a lot to feel bad about. You are telling them a truth about yourself. It is their own expectations of you being in a certain ways that will hurt them, it is not YOU who is hurting them. Those expectations that they have of you and unavoidable disappointments are their constructs, not yours . You just want to tell them the truth, which is commendable. Now of course you may say "Yes but I am in a position to know that will happen, so I can decide to not do it, and not let their mind hurt them by knowing this truth. If i see what's about to happen do i not have a duty to avoid it ? I can chose to protect them this way." If you do that you've already placed yourself in a role reversal situation where you are the parent and they are the children need to be protected. That's also wrong. Each time you say no to yourself to appease others, you will sink further in depression. There's this excellent video from the School of Life Youtube Channel ( highly recommended channel btw if you are into psychology) that argues in a very smart way that we are not just our bodies. We are not the collections of our our acquired skills. We are in fact avatars of our fundamental life principles, and every time we compromise on those principles, is an act of self destruction. If one of your principles is to tell the truth, and be true to yourself you'll need to find a way to do that. Now figuring out what the actual truth is, that is an entirely problem altogether. ---------- Post added 31st Dec 2016 at 01:19 PM ---------- Edit: "*entirely different problem" I meant to say. Eeek, is there no way to edit previous posts ?
