Alrighty, so to preface, i'm going to a New Year's party tomorrow night. Since we're all underage and Good Kids™ it's a no-alcohol party. There's this guy who i'm friends with who is going to the party as well. He's two years younger than me (15 or 16 I think), and he's gay. I've only started talking to him this year but I wanna try something kinda daring and crazy which is totally unlike me. I want to try to get him alone and kiss him, just a quick smooch on the lips, just so I know how it feels because i'm just so damn curious. I don't want any relationship to come out of this, I just want to satisfy my curiosity, but i'm terrified of how he'll react. I may not even go through with it, considering we both live in a conservative small-town and it'll be hard to get him alone. However, i'm so sick of playing it safe like and never taking risks like a coward. I just want some feedback advice on the matter. Does this sound like a bad idea?
In my humble opinion, I think it would be a bad idea. I know things like this happen, but you may end up leading this boy on by showing affection. Especially since you say you live in a very conservative town. This would make it very hard for a gay boy to find a boyfriend. Taking such a risk could really hurt him emotionally (after all this is only your curiousity, but this is his life, if you know what I mean.) Not taking risks doesn't make you a coward. But making wrong choices can lead to a big ugly mess. Just my thoughts. Sebby45
Kissing someone randomly may not really be a good idea, since the person may not be comfortable with that. It is really romantic to see people that randomly kiss in movies and fall in love, but, in real life, it is best to approach the person in other ways first before touching. Also, like Sebby45 said, using your friend to satisfy your curiosity may hurt him emotionally, if he doesn't know exactly what is going on.
Oh dear God you're both so right! I'm sorry, I didn't even think for a moment of how selfish and creepy that would be! I guess I was just getting lost in fantasy is all, it tends to happen to me a lot. My mental illness has been at its worst recently, and it almost caused me to make an irration discision. Thanks a lot for the insight, i'll take the high road and stay away from crazed fantasy.
Probably not a good idea unless you have his complete and total consent. If you do have consent, then It's fine. But surprising someone just to use them for an experiment, is a bad idea. Just because someone is gay doesn't mean they like everyone of the same gender, so he might not even be into it. And gay people also have feelings, can view sexual/kissing stuff to be "special" and can feel vulnerable and hurt when used. Best thing to do is to talk to him about it.
I understand. Ugh, I'm sorry, now I feel really stupid for even considering this! Usually i'm the kind of person to be all like "consent is important" "don't force people into uncomfortable scenarios", and here I am! Thinking like a creepy wierdo! God dammit now I just feel sick to my stomach... I'm so sorry.
Don't get down on yourself. If you are friends with him, maybe a great time to get him to the side and talk. It's a new year's party so most everyone will excited and in their own conversations. Explain your story, be honest and ask him if he would mind kissing you. Then it's out in the air and he may say ok.
Haha, thanks, I just hold myself to higher standards then that. Usually i'm pretty good at calling myself out on my own bullshit before things turn sour, but it just feels like I didn't call myself out soon enough. As for trying to talk it out, it sounds much more reasonable, but also far more intimidating. If I was more attractive and confident, I would probably take that advice. But considering i have the self-confidence of a soggy piece of paper (does that make sense?) and I'm walking the fine-line between kinda cute and kinda ugly, it's probably no longer a worthwhile endeavour. I'll probably just forget about all of this and stick to stuffing myself with snacks lmao
Hey Gengars, I'm going to go against the common consenus here. While I certainly agree that you shouldn't just randomly kiss anyone (it's akin to a sexual assault), if you spend time at the party with him and actually ask him if you can kiss him, that would be whole different issue. I'm not sure if you are comfortable approaching it that deliberately or not, but if you do and he says 'yes', then there are no issues whatsoever. And certainly, you shouldn't feel bad about asking this question on a thread. It has helped you to think this through more clearly. And, honestly, it sounds like you have a crush on him, which certainly would cloud your better judgment. Just a thought.
I think most of us would agree with that advice There's no problems with kissing someone who says yes, but there needs to be a conversation beforehand.
Double triple yikes to the akin to sexual assault thing. Blech. AAGH. Like I said before though, the whole feeling bad things has more to do with me being disgusted by my own behavior. And THAT legitimises the disgust with myself so much more. Also, I think it's just best if I leave it. I came up with this stupid idea while I was tired and having some rather dark and depressing thoughts rise up. The thought did cross my mind before of asking for approval, but it would be very akward, so i'll just leave it. It was just a silly dillusion manifested from tiredness, angst, and lonliness. Thank you though, and thank you everyone for your insight. But i'll just continue to take the cowardly route.
Alright Gengars, I'll play this silly game. Even though it's clear that an unapproved kiss is a terrible idea, your initial thought was that you want to try to kiss him, right? So, presumably, you have some attraction to him. You also know that he is gay. So, generally speaking, he has no issues with kissing another guy. You seem to have talked yourself out of this, presumably because the negative feedback you got in response to your initial post. But why do you want to give up now? We've made it clear where the line should be drawn (consent vs non-consent). It seems clear that you have at least a mild crush on him if you have any desire to kiss him. So, why wouldn't you at least pursue the course of action that I outlined? Just asking.
Kiss him randomly? Not a great plan Talk to him throughout the night, flirt, see where things go, and maybe be with him as the clock strikes midnight and see where the mood takes you? Hell yeah
I'm scared. So terribly horribly scared. Severe social anxiety has just been a part of my life that i've always known. When I started this thread, I guess you could say that I was still a little high off of my own bravado, which caused me to stop thinking clearly. I may be governed by anxiety, but i'm a realist at my core, and cannot shake the nagging questions that cause me to face the grimness of reality. "Will I actually get him alone?" "will he tell someone about this?" "will someone find out about this?" "how much of my image will be tarnished in this hellish little small town if this gets out?" I'm sorry, but here's no game. Just a rediculous little thought that somehow managed to sneak it's way past my own fail-safe system, and onto here through cyberspace. That sounds nice and cute and all, but life isn't a fairy tale. Things often don't go your way, and i've grown up learning it's best to just accept that. Sorry if that sounded kinda bitter, i'm just... I don't know how to feel my dude.
It's totally understandable that you are scared. I would be if I were in your shoes, too. Look, I'm not trying to convince you to do anything. And certainly not anything that would cause you harm in any degree. I'm only trying to lay out a plan that could still get you your initial goal while being both reasonable and discrete. If you hang out with him a lot during the party (and it doesn't have to be exclusively just with him), you can start to get a feel for whether or not he might like you 'that way.' If you then feel that you want to 'go for it', you could ask him to accompany you somewhere away from everyone else (if he asks why, you could have an excuse made up in advance). Once away from everyone, you could ask him if he can keep something secret that you want to ask him. If he agrees, then you could ask him for a kiss. Would that be so out of bounds even in your hellish little town? Life definitely isn't a fairy tale, but you have to pursue the things that you want in life. That sometimes means taking risks, but, of course, it also means evaluating those risks in advance to the best of your ability. Again, I'm not trying to convince you to do anything that you don't want to do. I just want to try to explain ways that you might be able to get what you want with minimal risk. Regardless, I wish you all the best with whatever you decide to do.
I think subtly hitting on him would be a better idea perhaps, I mean it's still daring but not as forward. And less likely something you'd fatally regret.
