1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Apologies...

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by bunnydee, Dec 30, 2016.

  1. bunnydee

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2016
    Messages:
    280
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Atlanta
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    This isn't really a question, but I need to say it and have no way of telling the person directly.

    When I was 15 and in the psych ward dealing with my depression over my sexuality, I met a wonderful girl, Bonnie, who I loved very much. She was my everything and helped me get through a very tough time. I was very screwed up in the head at that time. We had made plans to be together when we got out. We had lots of plans.

    I got out a month before she did. During that month, my moved us three states away because all I kept talking about was her. Bonnie and I kept in touch and when she got out came to my house expecting us to be together. She loved me as I did her. But during that one month separated, my mom got in my head. I became the fearful girl again.

    When she came to my door, I didn't let her in. My mom was yelling at me as usual and I turned her away. No explanation. I knew she had taken a bus to get there. I knew she had no where to go, and I closed the door.

    That was 30 years ago and her memory and what I did still haunts me. I don't even remember her last name anymore, just her face and my shame. Bonnie, wherever you are, I am sorry with all my being. I was not strong then and until recently have not gained that strength needed to be me.

    ---------- Post added 30th Dec 2016 at 04:06 PM ----------

    * my mom moved us
     
  2. Chiroptera

    Admin Team Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 11, 2014
    Messages:
    2,504
    Likes Received:
    1,383
    Location:
    Brazil
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    We all have memories we aren't proud of. I'll tell you a little example about me (it is simpler, but anyway): I am a firm defender of the power of honest conversation. In other words, i think most problems can be resolved through diplomacy and honest conversation.

    Applied to my life in an example, it means i don't think it is right to turn down someone you are talking with by blocking the person on the internet, or setting up a date with someone you aren't really interested, only to cancel it on the day.

    But i'm not proud to say that i already did that in the past. More than once. One time, i was chatting with a girl for days, and we were going on a date. Some hours before, i texted her with something like: "I'm sorry, i can't go today, sorry", and i blocked her. Without being honest and politely saying i wasn't interested. I lied and "ran away".

    It was a really, really shitty move, and it goes against what i believe today.

    What i did in my case is that i understood what i did wrong, and i realized that it isn't something i should repeat in the future. Nowadays, for example, i talk to the person and politely say i'm not interested, instead of being rude or simply blocking the person. I understood what i did wrong and i will not do it again.

    It is similar for you (even if my example was simpler). Obviously, it wasn't a good move. But it is great that you understand that it was wrong, and you won't do that again.

    You cannot control the other person, but you can control yourself. And, by acknowledging what went wrong and fixing it (not repeating it again, in this case), you are improving yourself as a person. And that's a really good thing.

    You aren't a bad person for something you did 30 years ago. There are people who are more or less the same for the entire life, but that's not the case. This post shows that you have changed, for the best!

    The memory is still sad, but you can think of it as a proof that you have changed and improved. Your "you" today is better than in the past, and it is amazing that you have evolved! :slight_smile:

    (*hug*)