Hey everyone, I'm not sure if anyone has had a similar experience to this, but here goes... A few weeks ago, I was on a night out. This guy, who I've known since I was like 14, and who I've started hanging around with quite a bit, comes up to me and starts talking. We make out on the dance floor. I should add that he's been out for as long as I've known him. I've been out to friends since I was 18, and family since I was 19. Anyway, we're hanging around, and he starts introducing me to some of his friends. We're holding hands, and I start to feel really terrified about what's happening. He's a really nice guy, and I'm not opposed to something a bit more relationship-y with him, but I'm also not sure if I'm the sort of person who can pull off relationships. Still, here he is, this really cute guy, really smart, and nice to talk to, and here I am, slipping out to go to the mens room, cause I'm too shocked to deal with what's going on. Eventually, I told him I wasn't interested in anything too serious. This isn't the first time something like this has happened. Last year, I dated a guy for 3 weeks. I spent at least 2 of them avoiding him, holding up in the library in college or going to the gym instead of hanging out with him. Finally, this super cool guy breaks up with me and I'm more relieved than I am sad. I really do want to be able to move past this and to have a shot at a normal relationship. I just need to sort myself out. Any tips on how I can go about doing that?
Hey etcetera, Forgive me if I sound like a smartass, but you just have to try to relax and go with the flow. It sounds like you are creating all sorts of negative 'what-if' scenarios in your mind and panicking before ANYTHING actually happens. Remember that you always have the last word in any physical aspect of a relationship that you have. So, if you are inexperienced and hesitant going into a relationship, say so. Up front. Most of us are more than happy to accommodate inexperienced partners. If you have hesitance or reservations about any particular sexual acts, then say so up front. (Oh, but the way, a significant portion of gay men - like 10%, from what I've learned - don't even like to engage in anal sex.) So, my advice would be that you should examine your own fears/concerns, then when you are in situations, such as you described, instead of hauling-ass off to the bathroom, stay where you are until/unless your own standards or concerns are actually violated. Just some thoughts.
Ah lad it's like I'm reading about myself! I struggle a lot when someone shows interest in me and not to mention I do everything I can to convince myself that I am not one for relationships, and the whole "I want someone tall, slim, good-looking...here you are but surely something has to be wrong here" because to me it's the fact that the dream guy has come into my life but surely must be because of a bet, or a rebound, because the point of having the dream man, is exactly that..it's a dream. What I have been trying to do lately is take a step back, and just let things flow. It sounds very cliché but it's a step forward. Maybe you feel like you aren't good enough for them, that you won't have as much free time as before...it can be a bunch of things together but if he is the type you would go for, and are happy to be with him,, you just have to take each day with a deep breath and let it unfold. You may find a new quality about yourself in doing so, and, believe it or not, end up happy in a relationship
Hey, thanks for the feedback. I think I'm more concerned about the emotional aspects of having a relationship. I don't have any problems in terms of my sex life, and I don't think that's something I'm particularly concerned with in these situations. I completely understand where you're coming from, and ALWAYS maintain the right to say 'No' if I'm not uncomfortable. ---------- Post added 31st Dec 2016 at 01:42 AM ---------- Hey, that's a really good way to put it. I guess when I was in the closet, I just focused on being a high achiever, studying a lot and being top of my extracurriculars. It's hard to let that go now that I've got much more freedom to be myself. This guy is the sort of guy I could see myself getting into something serious with, and there's a little self-deprecating voice in my head telling me that I don't deserve it. I guess that's something I'll have to try and get over. Thanks for pitching in. It's nice to know I'm not the only one who has this reaction to anything vaguely comital.
