Is it worth it?

In my experience if they are truly abusive in the full sense of the word, not just some role-playing, run away. Such relationships are toxic and you will be worse off by going through them.

You need to learn to offer yourself the love you need to stand on your own two feet. Then these abusive relationships won't be as attractive, and abusers will sense that you are strong enough not to cave in to them.

If you do want a short abusive fantasy without the negative implication save some cash and visit a German sex dungeon . Just don't get in an actually abusive relationship with a narcissistic psychopath, I know they are sometimes fascinating, but is effin scary later on.

 

Is a very dangerous path. In most cases your love will never fill that void. There are a ton questions that beg answers here. Don't you value yourself unless you are a saviour? Who do you feel you failed to save as a child? Was it one of your parents? Was it yourself ?

In the end of course is your call . My opinion is, don't do it. Or if you do, start by going to a few couples therapy sessions at the start so you learn what you are dealing with . And why are you doing it .

*hugs*

---------- Post added 31st Dec 2016 at 05:42 PM ----------

I am fully aware I might be projecting my own experiences here, so take that advice with a healthy pinch of salt

 

No, I would never willingly date a toxic abusive person, and neither should anyone else. It's much better to be alone and mentally healthy than to be mistreated. And there will always be more fish in the sea.

 

Is there really any "good" parts to an abusive relationship?

And on the note of emptiness, boredom, and loneliness--you will DEFINITELY feel that and then some in an abusive relationship.

A good friend of my sister's was with an emotionally abusive partner for 13 years (they have a kid together). He wouldn't let her do anything without his permission. Would talk down to her constantly. Would freak if she bought a necessity. Never showed her any affection unless he wanted sex from her. So being with him was miserable, and now, being without him is miserable because she became so dependant on him. She doesn't know her own worth, and the whole relationship she thought she could change him.

Most people don't know they are entering into an abusive relationships, and when it gets bad--it gets bad. It is harder to leave depending on the circumstances.

Knowingly entering into an abusive relationship--I don't think I would ever take that risk.

 

I completely understand that, and feelings can be the worst. However, time lessons feelings. It sucks in the moment, and you think you'll never get over her, and then you do.

As someone who has studied social work, I don't believe there is such a thing of 'extent' of abuse. Abuse is abuse. If someone is abusing you, it doesn't matter how or the frequency--it's still abuse and it is still wrong. It damages the abused person.

That's a good question. However, I doubt that it will strengthen or lesson the tendency for you to be attracted to them. Abusers are great at making the people they abuse dependant on them. If you were to enter a relationship with this abusive partner, it's unlikely you'll ever get over them. Hence why most abused women end up going back to their abusing partners because they don't know anything else--and abusing and being abused alters brain chemistry, and not for the better.

 

First never ever would I or should anyone knowingly get into a relationship with an abusive person. Secondly, get out if you are in one.

I can tell you from experience many sides of the story. I had Abusive father, dismissive mother, was the abused child of the abused and abuser.

In my case, the abuser my father was very manipulative. The entire world thought of him as a wonderful, generous, kind man. Not the case behind closed doors. Of course it wasn't an every day event. Just times here and there but they add up and get worse, more violent each time. Abusers that have been this way for awhile have learned how to adapt their personality so only those abused know the abuse. Everyone else sees them as the upstanding citizen and are shocked that the victim would make such accusations.

From my personal experience, my father started out with normal belt whippings when we were bad. This progressed to hanging my brother by the neck with a belt, to shooting my mom with bb guns for fun, to after their divorce placing my brother and I in the back of his truck and swerving and driving crazy just to see if he could throw us out, to finally trying to burn down the house with us in it.

My mom says she loved him and put up with it and would make excuses for him. She would cover the bruises to protect him. She didn't divorce him until he was overseas when I was 11, but still allowed him to be in our lives when he came back. She because of the abuse she faced, would have violent yelling fits at myself and brother for nothing just because she had no where else to vent. I remember many times she would wake me up from bed yelling at me and brought me out to the living room just to yell some more.

My brother who was 4 years younger than me - so 7 when they got divorced has turned out to be just like my father. We haven't seen it, but his girlfriends then wife all left him stating how abusive he was. My mom refuses to believe he is that way just as she refuses to accept how my father was.

I myself remember times when I was a child because of my anger, would lash out at my brother for simple thing such as wanting to play with my toys. I literally scratched him enough he had to go to the hospital. Counselors say I can't remember what he did to me because my pyschy chose to block it out because it was too horrible or painful. I understand the fantasy or want of an abusive person though. When I was going through this as kid because that is how my father was, I thought I enjoyed the idea of rape fantasy because I thought that simulated love. I had seen my father rape my mother on many occasions. It took me many years of in-depth counseling to overcome the abuse from our home. It is not by any means something to fantasize about or debate upon. It is destruction, it is death, it is hurtful on every level emotionally, physically, sexually, and just plain self-destructive.