So i'm a 15 year old boy in Canada, and I'm rather comfortable with myself being gay... I love it! Despite this, I only came out to my mom and my older sister because of the fear of being rejected by my friends (you know how teenagers are:"That's so gay! Ew!", etc.) and being viewed differently. Well other than these semi-contradictory factors, I am rather satisfied and content with my being gay! Anyway, onto my story, the one other person that I didn't come out to in my immediate family is my dad. This is because of his close-mindedness and him being an ignorant bigot. Well,as I grew up, I have always been rather feminine and though not too extremely, which is how I wanted to be, because that's how I naturally act, and my dad didn't really seem to care or notice, we just continued happily on. About 1 and a half to two years ago, though I increasingly became fascinated by older musicians from the 60s through the 80s, and I earned a deep admiration for artists such as David Bowie, Elton John, Boy George, and Morrissey/The Smiths. They helped me feel more and more comfortable being gay at a time where I was uncertain and doubtful(watching gay porn yet telling myself I was straight). So these gay icons, some of who were flamboyant and dressed the way they chose, helped me accept myself. Therefore, I began to not shy away so much from shining out and showing my true colours. As this goes on, I began to notice my dad throwing homophobic rants and saying things like "After princess Diana's funeral, I respected Elton John. Before that, he was just another faggot." He even stares at me sometimes and watches my actions and says stuff like you're walking like your gay and that people like Bowie are turning me gay. When he says things like this I just get so fueled with anger and I just want to run away. Once he even said to me that he's embarrassed of me because I act like a "faggot". All of these comments and rants make me so angry that I simply can't take it in anymore. What prompted me to write this post was something that happened today, though. So, my dad is trying to quit smoking and we were talking about it and then we starting talking about drugs and then came his opinion that artists like Elton John turned gay because the drugs "clouded their minds" so he wants to stop smoking because he might "turn gay" from doing it. Anyway, I know this was rather long, but I just feel that I have to get it off my chest. My dad and I do get along sometimes, since he isn't certain that I'm gay, but when he makes these comments I just can't deal with him anymore, so I try to educate him, but it doesn't work out because he's so arrogant and ignorant and has such a closed mind. Any advice on how to handle it or what to do? Thank you so much and God bless!!
If your mom is supportive, she may be able to help you strategize. She may have some ideas of how you can talk to him, and talk to him too on your behalf.
Maybe you trying to educate him on the matter is not the ideal action right now. He does not see you yet as an equal as you are not yet independent and self sustaining. Maybe focus some more on self-development. I had the "all cards on the table" talk with my parents only when I was mentally stronger (than both of them combined most likely ) and completely independent ( i was the one actually financially helping them at that point). Did this only after many years of personal growth and therapy. A counsellor or certified therapist might help you better better with this Try not to judge him too harshly. no matter how ignorant and arrogant he looks to you. He might still be fighting his own demons and his own internalised homosexuality. I expected that after I had my talk with my parents for my father to default to his abusive self and lash out at me verbally, maybe even physically. Much to my surprise he appreciated me confronting them about it all, and his reaction was quite the opposite. He said he was sorry, he realised he had made mistakes and he is sorry for all of them; he did not have access to psychology resources back then, he tried to raise us through some very tough times, and he just tried to do what he thought was best. It was hard to still be angry at him after that. We no longer was the tormentor I had painted him to be, he was just an old man who honestly tried to do his best raising us. ---------- Post added 31st Dec 2016 at 08:01 PM ---------- "* He was no longer the tormentor "- i meant. yeah i do a lot of mental rephrasing on the fly and sometimes sentences I end up writing down don't make sense ---------- Post added 31st Dec 2016 at 08:16 PM ---------- When telling him all of this I was compassionate, understanding, yet firm in my beliefs. I am fairly sure that if he at any time had sensed any from of insecurity of wavering on my part, in my voice, or in my eyes things would have been less ideal. I think that was the moment when he finally got it, that I'm my own person, with my own set of values and beliefs, not a copy or an extension of him.
