Two years later: you CAN and you will get through anything

Hey guys, I don't know who remembers this topic that I started almost 3 years ago, but here's a link:


http://emptyclosets.com/forum/famil...does-my-friend-think-me-more-than-friend.html

Long story short, my once close friend was extremely flirty with me, was strange, I ended up coming out (though dropping many hints beforehand), ended up saying he "had no idea" and that it was "all a joke," ended up pretending to like a girl, used me as bait to be a messenger for him to her and then blamed me for ruining things between them, went on a smear campaign, got a girlfriend when I started defending myself, admitted that he didn't like the girl he made me to be a messenger for, eventually told people "I was just flirting with him as a joke," ended up breaking up with the girlfriend right after I left the group of "friends" because he "wasn't sure about his feelings for her," etc. etc.

It was a giant MESS, it ate away years of my life.

To put it into perspective, during this time, I:

-Had no job, or I had a job, and I performed horribly
-Did terribly in school. For example, during one semester, I started off with 15 units. I ended up with 3 units and I got a C in that class, and only because that professor outright stated he does not give anyone a grade lower than a C unless they never show up
-Every opportunity I had to not be sober, I took it. Literally every opportunity. On average I wasn't sober around 2 times a week. I was either drunk or high.
-I didn't drive. Considering that I live in California, where everyone drives? Major hassle
-I was very overweight
-I was still in the closet for the most part
-Smoked, on average, around 2 hours a day (no exaggeration).


I ended up finally pinpointing my problems, and what was making me so depressed. It was a combination of still being around my friend and my "group" of friends that are mostly comprised of homophobic people. Last summer, for instance, when one of my "friends" found out I was gay, in the middle of a vacation, he yelled at me and told me to "cut that **** out" and said "come on bro, you know I HATE gay people," and I ended up getting flak for getting mad at him. I was told he just "wants what's best for you."

I was scared, but I cut them off.

Now, I've:

-Secured another job. One where I don't underperform, I'm actually seen as a good employee (though I can still be scatterbrained)
-Actually started driving and I'm very comfortable driving now, to the point where sometimes I get in to my car and go for a drive because I miss driving
-I only drink when I feel like I'm obligated to. AKA a bar
-My grades have been better than they've been in a long, long, long time. I am also in the process of changing my major to something I actually like
-I quit smoking. I also got my singing voice back. I used to be praised as a kid for my voice but I stopped because I felt "too gay" being a singer. Now I don't care
-I'm out to everyone except my brother (though he's getting the idea) and some family members, though those aren't major concerns minus my bro
-I've lost a lot of weight and people have constantly been commenting on my improved appearance even from a few months ago


And while, yes, I still have things to improve on. Hell, last week I made a topic asking if I could use some therapy for "closure," but then I realized I already have my closure and I'm more than happy. Especially since I realized most of my old group of friends are still doing the same stuff and almost all of them are very unmotivated and are doing horribly in school!

I'm far more independent now, and my brother has actually said he's proud of me since I've "gotten my **** together."

So, while I still have a long way to go and a lot of improvements left, I've come a damn long way.


My advice? If you're hung up over a closeted person.... it's not worth it. It'll just eat up all your energy!

If you're closeted... don't be! It's scary, you will lose friends most likely, but you'll get support regardless!

If you're doing ANYTHING IN YOUR LIFE THAT DOESN'T MAKE YOU HAPPY, DON'T DO IT. This involves your group of friends, your job, your major, anything, really.... focus on yourself and your happiness. And I promise things will get much better.

I hope someone reading this gets a little bit of hope.

 

It really is. But you have to remind yourself that, as far as we know, this is our one shot at life. So why waste it being unhappy?

I'm glad