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Another 'In love with a straight guy thread'

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by redbean, Jan 10, 2017.

  1. redbean

    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Sorry but it's another one of these! I know it is probably futile and I am only headed for heartbreak and disappointment but I just can't seem to help myself this has been a recurring theme throughout my life and I really should know better by now.

    I don't even necessarily want him to feel the same way for me, but just for him to show that he cares about me in some way would be good. After all these years (I'm 48 and 'happily ' married) I have finally met a guy who I get on with really well and we both seem to enjoy each other's company and we have so much in common. But of course, he is straight (I only seem to be attracted to straight guys) and although there are certain things about him that suggests he might be bi, it's probably just wishful thinking on my part.

    This really hit home last night as he and I were walking to his car and he kept looking at these two women in the gym who he had noticed for a while and how they had both gotten fitter over the months. Mind you, he does seem to like people watching when he is in the gym and he does 'watch' both men and women.

    I know that I have fallen for him but have come to the conclusion that although he likes me as a friend, he really doesn't feel the same way about me, which is fine. I'm old and wise enough (I think) to realise that this was probably always going to be the case and anyway, our friendship means more to me than any 'relationship' we might have.

    I just want him to know how much our friendship means to me and how much I enjoy his company. There just never seems to be the right way to walk to him about things like this. Do I even need to tell him? Does he know how much I miss and think about him when we don't see other for a while and does it even matter to him? We already have a fairly close friendship, I guess I just wish we could be a bit closer, but like typical guys, we just don't really talk much about emotional stuff, which is a bit odd as neither of us are really the typical alpha male types, though he is a big strong, tough guy, he is never showy or talks loudly.

    I just sometimes feel that life is too short to not let others how you feel about them and then one day it might be too late and that would be even worse. But how do I tell him without declaring my undying love at the same time!?
     
  2. mlansing

    Regular Member

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    I agree, life is too short to not tell someone how you feel. The question to consider, though, is are you ok with potentially changing the dynamic of the friendship if you do that? I once told a guy friend of mine who was bi that I liked him and he didn't feel the same and our friendship continued as normal, but I did it because I was at the point where I was ok with letting the friendship die simply because I didn't want to keep being friends with someone I had strong feelings for. I personally don't believe anymore in staying close friends with someone I have feelings for, mainly because it has happened to me a lot and I have been burned by it multiple times.

    If you're certain that he's straight and that you can plant yourself firmly in the friend zone and not be bothered by him not returning your feelings, I say enjoy the friendship. On the other hand, if you really want him to know your feelings I say just be blunt and tell him. A few things could result from that: 1) he might return your feelings, perhaps not right away but at some point down the line, 2) he might not return your feelings but he could feel flattered and your friendship could continue as normal, or 3) he could get super uncomfortable and the friendship as you know it could slowly die.

    The choice is yours, but for better or worse I personally err on the side of telling people how you feel. My motto: say what you have to say, and let the chips fall where they may.

    ---------- Post added 10th Jan 2017 at 10:44 PM ----------

    Another consideration: if he doesn't know that you're bi you might let him know that before confessing to him that you like him. See how he takes that information first and then decide if you want to tell him how you feel.