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how to trust a long distance lover?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by atomic dorito, Jan 13, 2017.

  1. atomic dorito

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    I have awful trust issues from past relationships, and I've been dating a girl who lives 3 hours away. She's beautiful and amazing and eveything I want.. and I'm freaking out. She says she would never cheat, and she even swore on her grandma's grave. and I want to believe her but at the same time I'm so scared. How do I trust her? How do I rest easily at night knowing she won't cheat? When will my madness end..:tears:
     
  2. resu

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    You cannot control what she does, so it really is not up to you besides trusting her. What you can do is take care of yourself so you don't let the fear of cheating stress your out. That fear is a personal insecurity, that somehow there is something wrong with you, which is a lie. People cheat because they either are not suited for monogamy or they felt there were no negative consequences (a risk in any long distance relationship).

    Some things you can do:

    Avoid getting constant reassurance from her because they are just words. Yes, she may be true to her word, but you don't really know for sure. Instead, try reassuring yourself that you are valuable human being, worthy of being loved. Sure, there are other people who may seem more attractive, smarter, funnier, interesting, but try to accept the fact that your girlfriend chose you.

    Pay attention to your girlfriend's behavior. This doesn't mean acting like an interrogator, but if you feel things don't seem right, speak up and have an honest conversation about your fears. You both should have clear boundaries and expectations for the relationship.
     
  3. Creativemind

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    You have to put trust in a relationship, otherwise it never works out. Plenty of people don't cheat in LDR's, and those that do will eventually have some evidence surface (even in LDR). I found out my ex was cheating on me because I was acquainted with so many others she knew in person.
     
  4. Jax12

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    You'll just have to trust that she won't do anything behind your back. To be honest I don't know if I'll ever be able to do LDR because I don't like having to wait for long periods of time just to see my significant other.

    I've had a good talk with my BF, and that if we have any issues with each other we talk about it, and that if we don't want to be together then we break up instead of cheating on each other. We've made that very clear with each other and for some reason that conversation made us feel very relieved.

    As long as the both of you are on the same page, I'm sure in time you'll learn to trust in her.