I am in my first ever real relationship at the age of 31 after a lifetime in the closet. We have been together just over a year. I love her very much and she says she is in love with me but she also experiences depression. She is currently in a really bad patch. She says she feels angry all the time and that when that happens everything people do annoys her (including/especially me). She suddenly cannot bear any physical interaction, even kissing and cuddling because she says she finds it too intense. She also says that she feels she is someone who should be single so she doesn't inflict this on other people. I have been doing a really bad job of supporting her so far, taking it personally even though I know I shouldn't and keep making about me however much I try not to. I have had depression myself in the past but I don't know if I've had it as intensely as her and it's hard to remember what it felt like now I've not been in that place in a while. Any advice people can give would be really appreciated.
I'm not a pro at all for supporting depressed people, but what I can say for a certainty is be there for her. Let her rant on you, let her cry on you, answer her questions, her doubts, etc... That's really what I need when I am down, and it's such a basic thing. I'm sorry I can't help more, but be there for her, say it to her, I'm sure it'll get better soon. May you both stay strong (*hug*)
Hmmm...from my limited reading on the subject, this may be more than just depression. Not diagnosing here! I would get her to see a therapist as soon as possible to start getting the treatment she needs. That would be the best thing to do for both her and yourself. You don't want this to needlessly ruin your relationship when there is help available. I know it can be a daunting process, especially since her depression is so intense and she may refuse treatment. But try to coax her into it, and I'm sure things will get better. All the best, Sebby45
Hi Siarad. Sorry to hear you are going through this and Im sorry your girlfriend is suffering. I've experienced depression like hers, both directly and with girlfriends. And my wife now. I feel truly happy 80% of the time now, but the only reason is that I got help. She HAS to, and will one day, get herself to a point where she realises this. Unfortunately, all you can do is show her and tell her you care, keep offering to talk and listen. Keep showing love. That's it. She has to be the one to seek the help. All anyone can do is encourage and support. Have you any ideas why she feels this way? Has something traumatic caused it? I ask because that's what caused mine. Everything she is saying is coming from low self esteem and possibly self loathing. Something that needs expert help to overcome. Her GP will start her on the road of feeling good. Medication takes the edge of it. Counselling calms it, spreads it out, explains it, and turns it into a much much (much) more manageable thing in the long term. Counselling teaches to love herself. Some UK sites that I use (maybe leave one or two open on a laptop / phone? I do this for my wife): Home | Mind, the mental health charity - help for mental health problems www.rethink.org Home | SANE, mental health charity - emotional support, research and campaigning Samaritans | Those all have lots of awesome info and tips and you will have a local branches (Mind and Samaritans) for face to face help too. HopelineUK - google this - great texting help. Before I first got help, all of the above seemed daunting and shameful, but with support, I learned depression is a nirmal thing most good people go through. She just has to make the first step. Her GP. Most important though - when helping others with depression, it's easy to forget to look after yourself. ALLOW yourself to have you time, to worry and to get upset. Talk it out. With friends, with family, with us. Keep remembering your own self care. Hugsssssssss
Make sure she gets professional help because you should not be her therapist. Also, keep your own mental health up by doing things and interacting with people/places that create value and meaning for your life.
I am not diagnosing her, but I have an opinion on what I think it is. My sister acts JUST like this. She gets angry very easily, gets depressed, and hates affection. She was recently diagnosed with Bipolar Type 2. I'm not saying your girlfriend has this. But she needs to see a professional. Does she have strange sleep patterns?
