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Feeling the same way?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Henry1988, Jan 18, 2017.

  1. Henry1988

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    Hi Everyone, I need some advice on a subject that is just tearing me apart, and has been for a few weeks now.

    I just dont understand if I feel the same way as my best friend does, or more of.. I cant understand his thinking.

    Im bi, and he claims, hence the word, claims, hes straight. I guess im gonna start off with, in my opinion and those i talked to in real life, that drunk statements are sober truths.

    Lets just start with the fact that, a few weeks ago my best friend got drunk and texted me for a good 2, 3 hours? Begging me to be with him, and saying all this stuff, asking me for favors, etc. Like this went on for a long time. Finally he said these words, "I just want you to love me the way i love you." So i called him immediately to get to the bottom of this. For an hour, more than an hour, he confessed his love to me. Begged me to be with him, to do sexual things with him, that he always liked me since we met, and that he loves my eyes because when he looks in them he sees "the whole world". It went on and on. So.. told him, yes. He asked, will you be my boyfriend, said yes.. And that we would discuss it the next day when i got home from work. Well we discussed it, and he said he was too drunk and he didnt remember it happening, it was weird im making it up, etc. Dont ever bring it up again. So i was like alright, a little weird but okay.. Two weeks later, he remembers the whole conversation and said it was a prank because he thought i felt that way and wanted to find out. I was devastated, but at the same time, i dont believe him. He made me bring out these feelings, and admit to it. He made me describe what kind of guy id be into if i liked guys, and i beat around the bush and described him. haha.. but then again, when i asked him the same question, he described me, PERFECTLY sober. Like me to a T. So i really dont believe that hes faking any of it, or doesn't actually feel this way. His family is super religious and against LGBT, and he thinks its wrong too because of his religion. Also, when you mention the idea of him being gay to him, he gets SO MAD. He flips out, curses at you, etc. Like gets really bent out of shape about it.

    So that pretty much wraps it up for the basics. I just need opinions from you fine folks, because im going crazy. I in turn got drunk and begged him to be with me, so he knows where im at, and i told him sober that i want to be together. So.. I layed it out on the table, he just has to pick it up...

    Thoughts? Thanks guys!
     
  2. Jacob D

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    Hi Henry, prank or not, it's just wrong what he did to you. I don't know if drunk statements are the truth or not. Personally I've never experienced any of the things your friend did or said while I've been drunk. I just don't like the things you mentioned about how he did and said those things to you. Sorry I'm not much help. I hope things work out in the end for you.
     
  3. Henry1988

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    Hey Jacob, thanks for the response. Not exactly what i was looking for but hey thanks tho! Ihope so too!

    The thing about this is, it makes too much sense, and other people already assumed it of both of us. And honestly, i didnt think of him this way until he did this, and put this idea in my head. Which is why im so torn up..

    Ive never loved someone so much in my life and I was with my ex gf over 7 years, and we wre practically engaged.
     
  4. Jacob D

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    Hi Henry. I have no doubt that the two of you feel the same way about each other and I have no doubt that other people have assumed it about the two of you. I just dislike how he handled it by calling it a prank or by pretending he couldn't remember. Anyway what matters is that you love him right? You've layed it all out on the table and now it's up to him to pick it up. I hope he does and I hope everything works out. Can I ask you how you managed to get over your ex-girlfriend of 7 years? I'm still struggling over my ex and so any advice is appreciated.
     
  5. Henry1988

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    I do love him, more than anything in the whole world!

    You know, it took, a long time to get over her. And it was rough, like suicide attempt rough. So i cant say I have any healthy ways to tell you. But, loving friends, is a start. I ended up relocating for my job, and i met two amazing friends at the time and we hung out all the time, and I just felt safe again. The fact that my replacement was a 42 year old man helped, when she is only 25..... LOL! But other than that, it really took years, and the fact that i came to terms with the fact that she was so radically different from when we dated, that I knew it was for the best, and I knew in my head she couldnt give me and wasnt what I wanted anymore.
     
  6. Jacob D

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    Henry if you love him that much then I think you should pursue this. I'm behind you all the way. As for my ex-girlfriend I hope that in time I can fully get over her. Good luck Henry with your best friend :slight_smile:
     
  7. Henry1988

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    Jacob, thanks for the support! Its so refreshing. I really hope it works out to, Ive been praying and seeking advice and trying to approach it the right way, im trying to let him know its okay, and he already got his yes, so once he realizes it, he has the whole world right in front of him!

    I hope you do get over your ex, I know how painful and difficult it can be. Good luck to you too man, thanks for being so welcoming too!
     
  8. Henry1988

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    Anyone else have any feedback?
     
  9. Jacob D

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    You're welcome Henry. Hopefully others will give you more feedback.
     
  10. Skov

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    I don't buy the whole "I was just drunk thing". That gives me two ideas,
    1) He's being serious that it was just a prank. Or,
    2) He's very deeply closeted (like hasn't fully came out to himself yet)

    Either way, his treatment towards you really isn't okay. People shouldn't toy with other people's emotions like that. My advice would be to give him some space. If option 1 was the case, being with him is not a realistic option, so space would be a good thing until feelings calm down. If option 2 is the case, it sounds like he needs some time to figure things out for himself before he's ready for a healthy relationship. When I say space I mean stopping pressing him on him being into guys. You can still be his friend like normal.

    I could really see this going either way (or maybe some way completely different than my guesses). Just try not to let his toying/indecisiveness run your emotions if that makes sense.
     
  11. topcat71

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    Lost cause! You have to leave it alone. I know being rejected by your best friend hurts, but you have to allow him to express and except his sexuality how he wants. You can only be true to yourself. take time out to work on protecting your heart. Try to find a LGBTQ group near you that can support you on a consistent basis regarding this issue! Good luck
     
  12. Henry1988

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    I, and most people who are aware of the situation, and him in general, assume scenario #2. Like people already thought he was. Lol.. Its just too weird that the story changed, and all of a sudden its a prank and now we do nothing but fight, etc. Im trying not to bring it up, HE keeps bringing it up. Its very confusing...
     
  13. AlmostBlue

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    He is probably deeply closeted, in which case there is not much you can do at this point. As much as you are strongly attached to him, it's probably best to keep some distance for your mental health. When someone is this deeply in denial, they may never come out of the closet, or would take decades and decades. In these situations, it's always best to take what people say at face value. If he says he's not interested, then you have to accept that as the truth and try to find someone who will never say such a thing to you but rather the contrary, and trust me, there will be many.
     
  14. bunnydee

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    I can say from when I was closeted, deep in denial, the truth only came out when I was too drunk to control my mouth. TBh I did almost the exact same thing except with my female best friend and the prank part. When sober I remembered everything but was ashamed and then avoided even talking. End result she outed me, and I closed myself off even further and went completely back in denial.

    If you leave it alone, he will hopefully come to terms with himself and decide to come out when sober. If you push the issue, it will push him further in denial. For you though, you have to get him off your mind and try only to be civil platonic with him. He could keep you hanging by a thread, teasing you back into him and hurting you repeatedly until he is ready to come out.
     
  15. Henry1988

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    Just, the weird thing is why TWO weeks, TWO weeks later is it all of a sudden a prank, when the first two weeks he didnt remember it, and didnt even want to discuss it. Now, in a round about way, is admitting to saying all this, and is saying its all a joke.

    Im sorry it just doesnt add up, and you know what, i am leaving it alone, he just keeps bringing it up, He wanted me to admit i liked him, and im bi, so i did. And now its not enough, he wants me to say im gay, because he doesnt believe "bi" is a real thing.

    Everyone already assumed i was gay/bi, and that he is too. and when people found out we were so close, lets just say.. no one is surprised by it. haha...

    He was supposed to come down this weekend, and surprise, similar to what you said, is pulling away. He backed out. And is barely talking to me. IM NOT the one pushing the issue, i just want my best friend. Oh well...

    Its just all, to much of a coincidence.


    Thanks for the reply, and thank you everyone else!
     
  16. Henry1988

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    Update: He is now defintely pulling away, and making sure to make homophobic comments. Everyone is convinced he is deeply locked inside a closet with a need for atour guide to get out. I feel so bad for him, and we barely talk now.. I dont even bring it up. If it is, he brings it up. HE is being weird about it..

    Any idea anyone?