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how to fix my friendship with a straight guy i was involved with

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by snazzylucas, Jan 18, 2017.

  1. snazzylucas

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Tennessee
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    I'm a gay guy who's in the closet, because i'm only 15 and depend on my parents and i don't know how they will take me coming out because they are very strict christians. so a few months ago, around a year ago i think, a new family started visiting the church i go to. their oldest son, who will be M for this post, is a year younger than me. the second i saw him i fell in love, so i decided to be friends with him. a few weeks later we started becoming really good friends, staying up late texting and talking about personal stuff. then a few months later we go to a church camp at a college for a week and we share two connected dorm rooms with 3 other guys. he wasn't in my room, he was in the connected room. so the second night he comes to my room and when he sees the other guy in my room is asleep, he crawls into my bed and gets under the covers and makes himself the little spoon. we are both wearing nothing but underwear and i was totally shocked because i never really thought he would actually be gay or anything, but this didn't strike me as something a straight guy would do. so every night for the next week he sleeps in my bed like that, but leaves before any other guys wake up. fast forward a few more weeks, we are back home and i decide to tell him i'm gay. i texted him and said i was gay and he was totally chill about it, and said he figured but he still considers me a close friend and doesn't care. about a week or two later i was really lonely, and i was still in love with him. he gave all the right signs, was all over me all the time, gave me looks that he didn't give any other guy and tried to hold my hand and would fall asleep in my lap all the time. so i texted him and told him i was in love with him. he got super defensive about how he wasn't gay and didn't talk to me for a week. then he acts like nothing happened and i make some stupid excuse, but i'm heartbroken at this point. a few months go by and i tell him that he needs to not be all over me when we are at church because people are starting to think we are gay together, and he gets super mad. didn't talk to me for almost a month. i was heartbroken. i was upset and depressed the entire time, and he would ignore me when i tried to talk to him. then at a halloween party at our church he ignores me the whole night, then catches me alone in a back room and kisses me. i'm shocked, and i'm still hurt from all the ignoring that i push him back a little bit so we can talk. i asked him what we were, and i told him if he wanted to kiss me and be with me like that he had to stop getting mad about me saying stuff because it broke my heart. he got super pissed off and slapped me, and another few months go by. he just started texting me again, and we are back to doing our old stuff again. buying more matching shoes, me holding him, the intense stares he gives me, the sweet way he talks to me. i don't know if i should pursue it or not. he told me the other day his parents get all his texts, and they were mad at him so he was super stressed out all the times he was mean, because we had been talking about gay stuff. he's very defensive about being gay or straight and takes church seriously, but acts like he likes me. i still love him but i don't know what to do. i don't want to be heartbroken again but i don't want to give him up just because i don't feel like getting hurt, because it could lead to something great. what should i do? should i try to talk to him or just drop him or what?
     
  2. I'm gay

    Full Member

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    Location:
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    Gender:
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    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hi snazzylucas,

    First, welcome to EC and congrats on your first post!

    It's pretty obvious to me that your friend is gay, and he really likes you. However, he still doesn't accept that he is gay and is struggling between his desires for you and everything he has been taught by society and family.

    If you really love him, and I think you do, continue to be his friend, show him that you care for him, be patient with him, and allow him to come to peace about being gay on his own. This may take some time. You can't rush him into accepting that he is gay, it just doesn't work like that. Remember, each time he has been confronted about being gay, he has retreated and rejected you.

    So, don't drop him. Do talk to him. Do tell him that you care about him. Just be his best friend and let the future unfold as it should.

    Take care. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:ride:
     
  3. musiclife

    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    NC
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    All but family
    I agree that you souls continue to pursue him but definitely be patient. I grew up under a Trevor Christian faith and I understand how hard it is to come out in that situation. However, don't let yourself get hurt over and over and over again. Have hope but also know that some people don't come out of the closet. Some people don't find that courage until much much later in life. So be patient but also recognize when it's time to let go. It's hard when no answer sounds like the right answe to your problems but that's because this is a situation with no right answer. If you love him, be patient and if he lives you he'll come around. If that doesn't happen, walk away. Learn from your experience. Just make sure you're thinking about your own happiness as well. Right now it may seem like he makes you happy, but really think about f that's true and if it's worth the hurt. Best of luck to you. I know he feeling of having to come out to strict Christian parents and I know he feeling of chasing someone whose giving all the right signals but rejections every advance. It's hard. So take some time and really think about if he will be worth the hurt.