working things back out with his ex

First off i want to thank you guys so much for being here to give advice when i am going through it. Any advice for me would be greatly appreciated.

Me, i am a semi-closeted male i guess. i came out to my mom and my best friend (who is a guy who is also closeted).

But i ran into this amazing guy, i posted about a couple of guys last year that didnt work out...but this new guy is unfortunately another athlete, a basketball player 19 years old.

So here is the thing. we met via a friend on really some friends type stuff...i had no idea he was and he had no idea i was...one day he texted me and sent me a smiley face emoji and i sent one back...and it all changed from there. in the text he asked me did i want to hang out sometime, and i said yeah thats cool. so the first time we met he drove an hour to see me...and he was like "you like corny stuff? cuz i like corny stuff" and i laughed and said mann i like corny stuff too...so then he was like "dont judge me but i like sitting in the park and watching the stars...me and my girl always do that, you wanna do that"? at this point in my head im like "your girl?" i cant ever disrespect a relationship like that...but nonetheless i didnt say anything and i continued to go to the park with him...so then he was like "say whats your favorite song"? so then he started playing the song and singing it word for word...and then it got serious after that we stared at each other and we kissed.....from that day we hung out everyday for 2 months hugging, kissing....and honestly i feel bad for saying this to yall... but we had sex...both our first time....even when he had a girlfriend .... but after that we still continued to kick it.....shortly after sex he broke up with his girl and was like he wanted to be with me....but ive read stories on this forum that this never ends well so i declined a relationship and asked could we wait about a couple of months? and he was like cool...still kicked afterwards yall...all smiles and hugs.....up until about two weeks ago.

i went over one day a tried to kiss him and stopped the kiss, he would let me hug him and touch him, but not kiss and he would not kiss me only touch....then i asked him whats wrong and he said im good, i just have been trying to get closer to God, and im not looking for a relationship...but me and my girl have started back talking, she is trying real hard to get back in my life.....and u know what i said i am happy for him, but deep down yall its tearing me apart. so hes dealing with two issues...God and getting back with his girlfriend..we did share with eachother that we have been having these thoughts since a kid.

So i guess the advice that i need is that....what would yall do in this situation? we've had a honest talk and i advised him that i would need to distance myself for a while to get over my feelings for you and put you just as a friend....he sayshe understands and wants the best for me..he wants me to find someone and be happy.....but im like dude, you just went from wanting to be with me, to you wishing me well and off to finding someone else....

but the weird part about it is...both times i tried to go distant...he STILL continues to text me everday. march will make 4 months..and each day hell always say "hope your day is going well, i promise im not ignoring you im just busy"....we still will hang out and all...he always initiates texts first....so what is it yall? if you have "moved on" to re kindle with your ex why do you keep continuing to hit me up and do things as if we are a couple? i talked to him about these things and he still does it..he will still text me...or invite me over....

which i dont mind, but im trying to get over it all and take some time so i can just see him as a friend...

what is he going through in yall's opinion? is he trying to fight the fact that he likes me?

and lastly i told my mom about it....she said i am selfish...she was like "first of all you have to remember where your brain was at 19, it wasnt all figured out...so you have to give him that room to find his way....you dont need to go distant you need to be there in this time if this is your best friend....if he still hugs you, hug him back...hes not back in a relationship with her he just said hes working towards it so he could very well come back to you. if hes been having these thoughts and fighting them since a kid, not to be rude but i doubt hes gonna get back with that girl. i think he really likes you and is praying to god for what he feels because its not accepted in the world....i think its really selfish of you to go distant when really everything is good...you need to be there for your "best friend" and support his decision what ever it is...but i think the ball is in your court if he continues to hit u up."

sorry for alot yall but any advice? were good man thats still my boy but i guess i feel sad after what my mom said. i feel like a bad guy .

 

yes very helpful...i guess i would say i am just a little sad, im not depressed. actually im going over his apartment tonight he wanted to catch up on scandal before the new season starts lol. i enjoy our friendship....i guess the main part im struggling with is...there could be a possibility he can go back to his girlfriend....so thats why i try to distance myself....but every time i say lets take a break for a while or lets hold off on the texting..he goes...ok and then ill wake up in the morning to a good morning text everyday...im like dude i just said lets take a break for a while and he goes sorry i cant help it youre really important to me and i cant afford to lose u....so i end up running back...

now keep in mind we never had a relationship, i will just keep running back to the friendship of it all...and he is only talking back to his girlfriend, they dont go together....and i forgot to tell you we had one conversation where he showed me text messages between the two..and he BARELY text her like the convo is so dry verses our threads we have tons of messages. and keep in mind we are going on 4 months and have texted everyday since then...we dont miss a beat...like ill try to ignore it sometime and hell be like "ayyyyyeeee its almost midnight now you better text me before 12:00am hits or we gone be fighting" lol....overall very nice guy...despite everything falling backwards...there is still feeling there on my end (and on his end too hes just fighting it off) but i just want to be happy and friend-zone him..IF THATS WHAT HE WANTS....i think he is very scared because he is an athlete, basketball.. so he tries to keep a girl for cover up...thats what i get out of it because they barely talk...but if that where he chooses to go then fine, i dont think hell ever leave me the way he texts me everyday for 4 months straight...

and as far as my mom...shes just sayin both of us are not in a relationship...we are friends who have done stuff in the dark.....although he chose to talk back to his ex girl, shes saying that i should be there for him because if they have been on and off for 4 years and he hits me up more than he hits her up, then shes sayin that he likes me but doesnt wanna accept it. she was sayin dont go distant just be there for him because internally hes probally hurting she said....

but i dunno like i said all is good im going over his place tonight, but my mom got me feeling real bad man...like how am i bad for going distant...he decided to convert back to his ex girl and try to make it work thats not my fault. if anything it should be my feelings thats the topic at hand.

 

everything you are saying is right..however the girl doesnt know me or doesnt know i exist lol. we have also talked about our feelings amongst each other. we promised to keep each other safe...he asked how long have i been having fellings towards guys and i told him about 10 and then i asked the same thing and he said since like 7. he said everytime the thoughts come about he gets nervous and still to this day he does......he says he feels bad everytime the tought of bein with a guy comes so he tunes it out...he said he has been doing this as little as 7....he said but im different, i give him peace? what does that mean? he said God brought me to him?? but if God indeed brought me to him why is he refraining from the emotional part...? well except hugging thats about as far as hell let me go now, and well sleep in the same bed and cuddle. no kissing, no sex any more.