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Advice on relationship

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Kiwi319, Jan 19, 2017.

  1. Kiwi319

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    I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years now. He is very accepting of the fact that I like women. Throughout our entire relationship I have had a girl on the side. This has never been a secret and he has always been supportive. In fact I am currently seeing my ex girlfriend, she comes over once a week to the apartment that my boyfriend and I share and stays the night with me while my boyfriend gives us our privacy and sleeps on the couch.

    He is my best friend and I love him dearly. We have a wonderful relationship, we get along extremely well. Recently we have had some medical problems get in the way of us having sex. It has been months but to be honest the medical issues has turned into a convenient excuse for me not wanting to have sex with him.

    I find myself wanting a lesbian relationship but at the same time I hate the thought of not being with him. I am not sure if I am being fair to him or myself by continuing this relationship. Everyday I yoyo back and forth on if I should break up with him.

    Thoughts?
     
  2. Creativemind

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    Poly if you're both into it?

    If not, you're just going to have to choose the happiest outcome. Hating the thought of not being with him is normal if you've gotten attached to them. Even full homosexual people who aren't attracted to their spouses at all still hate the idea of leaving. It's hard.
     
  3. Chiroptera

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    Why are you with him? I mean, apparently, it is pretty clear you like him as a friend, but do you like him as a boyfriend?

    Of course, when you break up with someone, it is hard to stay close of that person. But, imagine this situation: You break up with him, but stay friends, and you find a girlfriend. In your head, would that be better?

    Apparently, your relationship is showing some red flags you need to consider. Are you with him because of the comfort of a relationship (fear of facing the dating scene again)? Are you with him because you love him sexually and romantically? Are you with him because he is a great friend, but maybe not what you want as a boyfriend?

    While polyamory is an option if you are both into it, these parts show that your relationship with him may not be working as a romantically relationship, but as a friendship.
    If that's the case, even in a polyamorous relationship, would things work equally or similar with all of the three, or would you give more romantic/sexual attention to the girl, and see him more as a friend?
     
  4. Quantumreality

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    Honestly, Kiwi319,

    It sounds - based on the limited amount of information you wrote in your post - like you should just let him go romantically and let him live his own life. It sounds like each of you need to go your own way romantically at this point. But there should be no real reason the two of you can't remain best friends unless the two of you have major issues with the breakup.

    Just my 2cents.