I wish I had a.."normal" brother my age..

Hi theshygay,

If I may say, from your thread it sounds like you might be quite lonely because you can't develop the connection you want with the people around you. (I get what you are saying about the brother you live with and your other brothers would be too difficult.)

The only advice I can give you is that you find a good (male?) friend you can be close with. I've got a couple of friends that I can talk to about things, not necessarily in detail but just people I know I can talk to. Now I don't know you situation fully but do you have any friends you can talk to at all or are there opportunities for you to develop such friendships? It would be particularly good if you could make or develop friendship with other queer people.

Maybe we can talk about ways for you to meet and get to know people.

I'm guessing that you primarily want a friend in real life but you can also speak to us on EC - I know it won't be the same but at least you don't have to worry about upsetting us or anything.

Hope this helps and post back if you want to chat.

 

I see, so you are limited in your options. Your church is a conservative church and strict on its view of being gay? Just wondering if there might be some people who are bit more liberal in your church or not.

So it sounds like your best approach would be to make new friends (although you could also think about how you might keep in touch with your friends from your old state). Are you allowed to have hobbies or clubs that you can join? If so then the best way to make new friends would be through a hobby or interest - even if for now you keep it aimed at making friends rather than coming out to them. Would that be an option for you?

 

Hiya,

You are not making it difficult at all - you are in a tricky situation with homeschooling as it limits your opportunities to meet people and make friends and (it sounds like) living in a pretty conservative area.

What sort of interests do you have? Would they work online (i.e. like a online game or tournament or something)? Or maybe you could see what hobby groups there are in your area and maybe try something new out? My hobby growing up was reading novels so I know what you mean about it being difficult to meet people but trying a new hobby is one way.

How would you feel about getting to know the bi guy from church? You would have to consider whether that might lead people to identify you or wonder if you are queer as well - I'm not trying to scare you but it is something that you will need to consider. The plus side is that if you got to know him and got on well with him then you would have someone who understands what you are going through and someone you could confide in. So give it some thought, it might be a bit awkward at first because you are shy but if you decided to get to know him then you can create the opportunity to do so. Also he might be shy because of your youth pastor rather than for another reason.

Btw, and you don't have to answer, are you out to your parents and is that something you want to think about or are you really just wanting to make some new friends?

And don't give up, your life will be much better when you can be yourself and overcoming the difficulties you face is something we have all had to deal with. You aren't alone.

 

Hi,

I saw that you've had trouble with your siblings - I got the impression from your post that you didn't feel that was a viable option in terms of getting the kind of relationship you want. If that is something you want to look at then we can talk about it - I'm just going on my impression so sorry if I got it wrong. Having said that, you can have a close friendship that might give you the kind of relationship you are looking for.

Is being in a music group an option? That would seem to be your best bet - and you could meet a good group of people through it. When you say gaming do you mean like D&D or computer gaming? I'd suggest as a first step looking online for groups that do those activities and see what you might be able to join.

I'm really sorry to hear about your mum's response - looking for the silver lining, at least she knows which means you aren't completely hidden from your family. Does your dad not wonder why things are difficult between you and your mum?

Btw, and again you don't have to answer, but how old are you? Just wondering how that might affect your options, i.e. if you can drive, how much freedom your parents will give you etc.

You've got a great attitude towards those who tell you are wrong to be yourself. You are especially shy around the bi guy - is that because you want to be friends with him and are more conscious of what he thinks? Let's assume for a moment that you decide to get to know him better - would you be able to make an opportunity for you to speak to him? (Just thinking practicals in case you decide that's what you want to.)

 

Maybe you could convince your parents to let you go to school? There you could meet lots of people your age whom you could befriend. If your parents don't want to let you, just tell them it might help with your sexuality if you met girls. It's obviously a lie, but it's for your own good and for a good purpose. Your mother seems pretty homophobic so she doesn't deserve your honesty anyway. If that doesn't work, try to join a sports team or some club you're interested in, there's many places you could meet people.

 

Theshygay,

I am really sorry for what you are going through. I know I am quite a bit older and a girl, but I know what it is like to be homeschooled, live in a conservative family and got to a church that does not approve of gays. I have two brothers whom I care about, but we don't really talk because they don't know I'm gay and I always seem to upset them. My heart breaks to hear what you are going through, but I am glad you are reaching out and have gotten such great advice. Life will be hard at times, but being gay has made me a much better and stronger person and I am proud that you seem to be so strong and positive. My mom has said horrible things to me too and it hurts like hell, but I pity her and I pity yours too because you sound like a good guy. Don't let people's ignorance or fear make you angry or bitter. Some day you will be able to help other guys like you and things will get better (they really do, it's not a cliche!)

That being said, here is my advice. When you can, get a job and tuck money away. Work is a great place to meet people. In the meantime, the bi guy is probably feeling alone and may be avoiding you because he probably thinks everyone is against him. If you are too shy to introduce yourself, find him on Facebook or slip him a piece of paper asking if you can talk to him or something. I have met great people playing games online which you may want to try. Maybe you can take a class somewhere just to meet people, even if it's not something you are super interested in.

I am angry that church should be the place where kids like you can seek God and have people walk with you and help you along your journey. It bothers me that they are the cause of so much pain. Look up LGBT friendly churches in your area or PFLAG groups and get in contact with them. Even if you can't go to a group, maybe you can email people in it who are your age or older and can help you. I find a lot of great people on Twitter and the Gay Christian Network's online forum. Being on Twitter, even anonymously, may help you meet people. I'm sorry it's not easy, but I know if you keep trying and reaching out, you will meet good people. Being a christian, I like to find other christian's blogs to help me not give up on God and realize I don't need to "change" my sexuality. People like Jonah Venegas at Jonah-ven.com and Kevin Garcia really helped me. You can even reach out to these people on their sites and through Twitter as we gays are all in this together and try to stay connected and help one another. Don't give up!