Hello, I'm new in this forum, but I got here by searching for help. I'm desperate. I found a thread that says more or less what I'm going through. But didn't get my problem solved. I have been dating someone, a girl that's older than me. I met here while posting stupid things on facebook. She lives in my region and so we started to know each other. Before dating as a couple we hanged out as friends. When we first met I didn't feel any sexual desired for her. She is not my type. Or so I thought. We have a connection, something that I have never ever had in the past with any other girl. She likes stuff that is cool, we share many things in common and we can enjoy many things together. I like her. A lot. To the point is scary. But, still... I'm not sexually attracted to her. I just don't feel like having sex nor any sexual interaction. This was at the beginning my problem. I didn't go all the way with her because of this. She not that pretty, to be honest, I have had pretty girls. She is ok, for my point of view. But I love the way she is. I do really enjoy a lot to spend time with her. I just like that a lot. I'm a person who enjoys doing exercise, a lot. I'm in a club near my home, I practice frontenis, a common sport in mexico. I'm in good health and in good form. I take care a lot of my physical appearance. I like to look nice. I use clothes that fit me. So... I spend 1 hour or more per day doing exercise. She... doesn't. She is not in shape. She is fat, actually. And it's one of the things I just can't ignore. I thought that maybe, with the time, I would be able to accept her. But... I can't. I just don't like the idea of touching her. I know I'm being a jerk; but... how can I explain this to her? I know there are people that can have relationships without sex, asexual people. I don't consider my self asexual. Plus I feel attraction to men and women. She doesn't. And she doesn't know about this. In the past I used to have lovers. Girls and boys. But it was just for fun. To be honest, this caught me off guard. I didn't think I was going to fell in love with her. She is smart. Way too smart. She has a lot of information. She reads, she is artistic, she is... just the woman I have been looking for. A person that I can share a lot of things. Someone I can speak about simple stuff as philosophical stuff. Due to my studies, I love having conversations related to philosophy, political issues, historical events, and such. I'm a nerd, always with books and researches. And here I have a fantastic girl, an intelligent and unique girl... but I can't have sex with her. I'm loosing my mind. I need an advice. I don't know how to explain this to her. She is a really open mined person. Please, if you can help me out... it would be great. Unfortunately I can't explain this easily. :icon_sad:
From the way you describe her, it sounds like you really feel she is the perfect partner for you. If this is the case, I would urge you to look past physical issues - as these will change over time anyway. Nobody looks the same at 60 as they do at 20. Plus, you wouldn't be the first person to find that over time, they develop sexual attractions to a great friend, for example. If, however, you find that you just will not be able to be happy in a relationship with this person without the sexual fulfillment (assuming that she is even interested in a sexual relationship with you herself), then you need to be honest with yourself and move on. Perhaps she will be a great friend to you, and you to her - or perhaps not - but if it's not going to work then it's not going to work. Unfortunately that just comes down to a choice you have to make.
