1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Ex boyfriend and I seem to be getting closer - advice on how not to ruin it?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Cwhitlock, Jan 26, 2017.

  1. Cwhitlock

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2016
    Messages:
    5
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    maryland
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Tl;dr at end.

    Me and my ex of 2 1/2 years broke it off due to an argument over his ex and hidden messages. I have been in therapy for 3 weeks now, working on self improvement and getting back to my gym routine. Everything I have done is for the betterment of myself. Me and my ex live together still and aside from the occasional shared meal and game online we have been particulary silent.

    Last wednesday he came into my room to show me some games he was really excited for and since then we have been hanging out a lot. My therapist wants me to move out but I knew this guy since before my first bf at 18. So weve been friends for a long while and we had agreed to try and make it work.

    Since getting some help I have been diagnosed with an axiety disorder kinda sorta like ocd for the mind. I percieve small issues like getting a text or hiding his phone as okay but then my mind over works itself with thoughts that negatively affect a simple, healthy action such as him getting texts from other guys. Sometimes I am able to be totally fine wit it and other times I am able to hold onto a thought for days.

    Since last Friday we have been very close. He and I agreed that sex was unhealthy right now as it confuses my emotions and makes him feel used. Yet we continue to spoon, sleep in the same bed, cuddle and snuggle.

    Monday is when I learned of my issues and what plans I would need to take in order to live more healithy. Telling my Ex was harder than telling my mom. It must have felt so abusive at times to deal with the accusations and doubts of trust. Even though we agreed there were only two major accounts of this action being bad. Smaller times angered him or saddened him but they were managable.

    All has continued to be well, my Therapist knows about my actions with my Ex and we are working on the feelings. Yesterday though my ex sat me down and told me he made a mistake. When I asked he said nevermind. Then, not wanting to push, I told him he can open up to me whenever. He then went on to say that he regrets a lot, him being 20, said that he has so much he wants to do but feels trapped focusing on one thing. I asked him, more like agreed, that he always felt that way with a relationship because he doesnt know what could be. What could come. He is from a family of divorcees. His mom and dad have been married 7 times between them. So I admit he never saw a steady foundation. I told him he is able to talk whenever because I could see he was done.

    The next morning we woke up together. I told him that if he wanted to talk about us he is able to whenever. That just cause I said I want to be your friend doesnt mean I dont love you. He constantly holds hands, moves my hands to his inner thigh and lets me touch his butt. He rubs my back when I sleep and holds my hand when I put it on his thigh.

    Do you think this will only push him further? That he is emotionally confused and racing with what if moments? Should I wait to talk to him or approach him on safe, open terms? He doesnt always emotionally open up and even his own mom doesnt know him all fully.

    Tl;dr. Getting help, have ocd like anxiety, ex and I have been non sexual but still cuddle, spoon, snuggle and sleep together after I moved rooms. He has opened up about how he feels he makes mistakes but then closes off when I approach these topics. Does ex want a relationship but is scared and lost in his own mental health issues? Should I leave it alone since I really am appreciative of these comforts?
     
  2. HuskyLover

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 9, 2016
    Messages:
    269
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Scandinavia
    Usually it's bad to form a relationship when ones mental health is bad. Maybe it's just best to keep it as it is for now and let him and yourself focus on becoming better people. Just my opinion.
     
  3. Cwhitlock

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2016
    Messages:
    5
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    maryland
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Which is why I am focusing on me. Doesnt mean I want to landlock the relationship between lovers and friends. I dont mind the comforts of snuggling and such. I just dont want confusion on either end. I want to know how to approach this situation.
     
  4. AlmostBlue

    AlmostBlue Guest

    Joined:
    Jun 11, 2014
    Messages:
    304
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    It's not clear to me what you are looking for. Do you want to get back together with him if you could? I'm not sure what exactly caused the break up, but if you two have really broken up, then it's important to cut off connection, at least for a while, to really mourn the relationship to move on. Living together, cuddling together, and all that still makes you two in a relationship. If you don't want any confusion and would want clarity on both ends, then I suggest what the therapist suggested: move out. Once you're both on your own, then maybe you two can understand what you want.