1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Mother in law moved in and it's tearing me apart

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Cailan, Jan 26, 2017.

  1. Cailan

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2017
    Messages:
    292
    Likes Received:
    31
    Location:
    Pacific Northwest
    Gender:
    Other
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    My husband announced to me in December that, 18 years after he came out to me as MtF trans, he wants to begin transitioning. That began a new chapter in our relationship that led to a much deeper understanding of our relationship and myself, and my own realization/coming out that I am and have always been bi-gender. During this time our sex life became much more active and fulfilling, and we spent hours each day talking (he works a split-shift and has mid-days home with me - I work from home). Most of these talks are *intimate* and really can't happen in front of other people. And right now these talks are absolutely vital to our relationship as we both are making daily personal and relationship discoveries. Our marriage is growing and changing, and right now is an absolutely vital moment in how we move forward, and if our marriage will survive his transition.

    We have known for a while that this mother would be coming to live with us once she sold her home in another state, and she arrived little more than a week after . We came out to her soon after her arrival. Her reception of the news was of uncertainty and apparent acceptance, but we can tell she's not really comfortable with it. She's a really nice person, if sometimes a bit passive-aggressive, and I feel bad for not wanting her here, but she's only been here two weeks and already I've feeling the strain.

    Our house is very small, only 999 square feet. She is living in the room that was our home office. My home office is now in the laundry room, and my husband is stuck at the front of the house with his office in the foyer. It's awkward, to say the least. There is zero privacy. Especially if I'm looking up graphic information about the things we want to do.

    She doesn't know ANYONE in our town except us, and is pretty much home all the time except when she goes grocery shopping or to church (she's a liberal Mormon - ugh). And what my husband and I need to talk about is NOT something that can be said in front of her. Plus, she has indicated she doesn't really want to know the details, and we talk a lot about HRT, effects of HRT, what we hope does or does not happen with HRT, and future options for surgery, etc. Pus our sex lives, and how that is being affected.

    It's starting to cause me serious stress and anxiety. Our sex life completely died out as soon as she got here, even though I'm just as horny as ever. And now I can't even take care of that myself because she's here ALL THE FUCKING TIME. We live in a small house where you can hear EVERYTHING happening in every room. And the bedroom walls are adjacent. We can hear every time she rolls over, so we assume she hears everything we do (in our noisy bed). There's no way I'm having sex with her RIGHT THERE.

    But she's 70 and had recent heart surgery, and is more than a little physically disabled due to multiple joint surgeries. She can't really lift her arms above her shoulders. We can't just "kick her out." But I'm worried about my sanity, and our ability to maintain our marriage!

    We've tried going for a drive just to talk and that works a little, but it doesn't solve our physical intimacy issues.This whole thing is turning into an emotional disaster for me!
     
  2. I'm gay

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 27, 2016
    Messages:
    1,751
    Likes Received:
    809
    Location:
    United States
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I think it would be reasonable that you all agree on certain days of the week where she needs to be out of the house for a period of time, doing whatever she likes, but not at home. You need to have this alone time with your husband, and frankly your mother in law needs to have other things to do as well, such as hobbies, making friends, whatever.

    You don't need to kick her out, but you do need some private time too. It's not unreasonable to ask her to do this.

    I hope this helps. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:ride: