So i am taking a class on child sexual assault and started thinking about my own childhood. There were at least four incidents that I can think of that some people may view as sexual assault but also may be just a cultural thing? one time, i threw a shoe at my dad when i was 3 while i was crying, he wanted me to do something and i didn't want to do it but i do not exactly remember what that thing was. When I was 12, I woke up to my aunt rubbing my behind. She was essentially fondling my butt as i was sleeping. When i was 18, I went through counselliing and they implanted a memory of my nanny sneaking into my bed but I believe this is because I thought that she passed away when really when she is alive. sometimes, my mom randomly grabs my privates as a joke. it makes me uncomfortable but she doesn't understand that because in our culture, that's a normal thing to do. so was i sexually assaulted or are these just cultural incidences?
all of these were done without your explicit consent, and if you felt uncomfortable then i would say that, yes, it could be considered sexual assault. i think the most troubling incident is probably the fact that your mom randomly grabs your genitals, especially considering you're an adult. that's should be something you can talk to her about, even if you don't imply that it's assault. i would say that of all these, the aunt fondling you at 12 is also fairly concerning, and would be considered sexual assault. i'm really sorry you had to go through this.
Sexual assault is very difficult to deal with. Especially when you are so young and its family.. Ive personally dealt with sexual assault by a family member as a child and never even realized it was assault till my teens. (I was assaulted for a couple of years). And it took a long time for me to comprehend it wasnt normal and all people dont do it cause i was so young and my abuser would tell me everyone does this or it was a form of punishment. The only problem...what i learned is when your traumatized so young you can distort alot of your memories. Im fully aware I was molested 8 to 10 and I feel like i was molested before then too but I just cant recall. I dont think to much about it because im unsure and i dont want to blame someone who didnt do anything. Basically everything you described is assaualt. And I would definitely worry about the situations in regards to what your going threw with your mother and your aunt. And maybe you might want to start seeing a counselor to help you come up with ways to discuss these things to your family. Ive been fondled growing up as a joke too and i instantly told my mom "Hell no". Not sure if i was helpful. But just wanted to share so you no your not alone.
Like most things, there's a spectrum to sexual assault. I don't want to diminish anything you may have gone through, but what you've described isn't entirely clear, especially in regard to sexual assault. Did your father try to make you do something sexual, or just something and you can't remember? And your aunt, was she rubbing your back like someone would to soothe a young child, or it felt more abnormal than that? And the mom grabbing parts thing, unfortunately, it's not unusual. It's more of a consent and boundary issue, unless she was grabbing you to be sexual. I have had my boobs commented on/touched by women in my family, butt pinched/grabbed/rubbed, etc. Those things were uncomfortable and crossing my personal space like a bit, but all in good fun. And then I've dealt with things that were clearly sexual and bordered on assault. Though there is a spectrum, the most distinctive feature of sexual assault--and maybe I need to be corrected-- is if someone was being purposely sexual in a situation where it is forced upon and there's no consent/ability to consent. I'll give you an example of something that, for me, bordered. And something that is uncomfortable but I think it was just a parent being weird. Bordering: I was in bed with a cousin when I was a teen, and when I laid back on his bed and my stomach was exposed, he went to shove his hands down my pants. Luckily he didn't actually touch me there, but if he did, that would have been sexual assualt, in my opinion. Since he mostly just touched my stomach, that was crossing a serious boundary. I just wouldn't classify this as legit sexual assualt because it didn't go that far. But the line is a little blurry. Weirdo parent shit: my mom rubbing her hands on my butt and then pinching it. I get annoyed and tell her not to do it, but I think it would be irresponsible of me to call that sexual assault. Another clearer example is: an older male family member of mine once bought a bunch of alcohol for me and a friend. Drank with us, and dared us to make out/do things while he was in the room. We only kissed quickly, but that is clearly crossing a line because we were underage and it turned very sexual. And it was a family member. It's not a pleasant memory. Because you feel like some things may have happened to you, I would talk to a counselor or therapist to sort these memories out a bit more before you believe/realize you were sexually assaulted by family members. If you were, I'm sorry you went through it -- but again, what you've said isn't entirely clear in regard to it.
