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ninth grader dating an eighth grader

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by shakespeare, Jan 26, 2017.

  1. shakespeare

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    i'm a freshman in high school, and there's an eighth grader at my school (k-12) that i went on a date with and really like. and while i feel like there's nothing wrong with a. sophomore dating a freshman, somehow i feel kind of icky or predatorial that i'm a freshman and she's an eighth grader, if that makes sense? the age difference is only a year, and considering the limited options for queer girls there are, it's hard to find a date your own age. however, my friends think it's weird and i'm just concerned that this is inherently an unhealthy/inappropriate relationship, even though we both like each other. should i tell her we can't go out anymore? should i explain the situation to my friends? is the age difference a bad thing? please help!
     
  2. HM03

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    I don't think a one year gap would be that big of a deal. I honestly don't remember there being that big of a maturity gap from grade 8 to grade 9.
     
  3. Totesgaybrah

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    The one grade difference is fine but if you are a mature 15 yo and she is an immature 13 yo then I can see how there could be a big difference in maturity. As long as nothing really sexual is going on then it should be ok.
     
  4. Sarkzar

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    The age gap isn't drastic, when I was in high school I dated a girl a grade below me for a while and it was alright. And as for your friends seeing it as weird, I think that has a lot to do with the fact that everyone likes to feel like they're a lot more mature than the kids that are a grade or more below them. I remember everyone hating the freshman during high school and treating them like children, even if they were only sophomores themselves. That part's just a high school thing I think.

    The one think you really should consider though, especially as the older party in the relationship, is what you want from this girl. If you actually have feelings for this girl then it should be fine, but if you're only really interested in exploring what a relationship is like (especially on a physical level) then I might back off. The risk of dating someone younger/less mature than yourself is pushing them too far too fast and accidentally (or worse, purposefully) taking advantage of them. If you find that you're only excited to be dating (you said it was hard to find a date your own age, which is why I'm bringing this up), then I don't think I'd let anything sexual happen. Once things get physical you run the risk of someone getting extremely hurt on an emotional level, especially if neither of you have been in that kind of relationship before. Lots of people come out in high school and college, so even if you can't find anyone your age right now that doesn't mean you never will.

    I think the best thing you can do is talk about this with her, considering the fact that she's the area of concern. Ask her how she feels about the whole thing, and if the age difference is an issue for her. As long as you both communicate properly and are clear with your boundaries of what's okay and what isn't, you should be alright.
     
  5. TOM666

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    It's great that you feel comfortable enough with your sexuality to date as a freshman in High School.
    A one-year age gap is absolutely nothing!
    Listen to the sdvice Sarkzar gave you.
    I think that the fact that you're even thinking about any predatory possibilities shows how committed you are to not hurting her, which is to be commended.