Why do we miss people that are totally wrong for us? It hurts so bad, I'm having a hard time coping today. I can't focus, all I can see is them. And the hurt they gave me by being around, plus the hurt of not being able to be around them....I just can't take it. It makes no sense. If someone kicks you, do you want to be around that person? No. But I still feel a strong pull and it is hard to stay stoic when you are crumbling inside. Don't get me wrong, I know we are better apart. I'm just sad and hurt and lonely tonight. I have no one to talk to right now, so I'm just letting go this way.
Dear Sebby45, I saw your post and had to say something. Because I'm stuck in the same situation as you. Only difference is, I haven't had the courage to leave/stay away from the person who has hurt me. So firstly, I want to say that it is WONDERFUL and I COMMEND YOU GREATLY for having had the strength to do that!! Secondly..I understand. Believe me, I understand. I realized a few months ago that one of my best friends is a narcissist (took me a while to figure it out, despite the hurtful thing she's done.) But have I been able to get out of this friendship? No. Becuase despite the hurt she has caused me over and over again, despite my other friends and my family telling me this is not a good friend....I feel this incredibly strong bond to her. I do still love her. Which makes this frickin' imposssible. Sorry, getting off track! My point is: that pull inside, the crumbling, the wanting them there even though they hurt you? That's how I feel right now. And I'm so sorry you're going through this. Like you said, it's like the hurt and the missing combine to overhwelm you, but somehow your heart decides that you still want them there. I'm not entirely sure how accurate this is, but I've done a bit of research and it seems like people do actully becomr bonded to people who emotionally abuse them. And it especially gets reinforced when the person doing the hurting uses intermittent positive reinforcement. (I can't remember from your previous posts if that was the case or not.) Whatever the reason, the ache in your chest sucks. I hope that it gets lighter very soon for you. I wish you the best of luck getting through today, and I, and the rest of EC, are always here for you to talk to!
Thanks whimsy99, Our situations are indeed similar. I feel very "bonded" to this person as well. And I believe what you say about intermittent positive reinforcement. Narcissists are good at that because they push you to the edge, then reel you in for more by nice gestures. They train you like a puppy. I've been doing quite a bit of research on that ilk of person, I can tell you! I never want to fall into this again. I'm sorry you are in the same state. My heart goes out to you as well. Do something nice for yourself (you deserve it!) Hopefully you'll find a way to get away soon. (*hug*) And thanks again for your encouragement. It was a really rough night, and I'm still not quite together today. Sebby45
