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Lying about my BF

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by TOM666, Jan 31, 2017.

  1. TOM666

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    New York
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    My BF is closeted, he's never acted in his attraction to guys until a few weeks ago with me.
    He's bi and he's just coming to terms with his attraction to men.
    He has his own apartment and I spend a lot of time there, not just sex, we talk ( I rather do it in person then FaceTime) we also like to cuddle (my favorite thing to do).
    We also go out together, to the movie, out to eat etc.

    What do I say?
    I say I'm just hanging out with a friend, but people will start to notice that I'm spending a lot of time with one person.
    I'm out to all my friends but they notice that I'm happier.
    Sooner or later they're going to find out.
    He gave me a gift (a fancy fountain part I've always wanted).

    I make up stories about doing various things when I see him.

    How do I explain to my friends that they need to keep things quiet when they find out?'
    How long do you think it will take for my bf to come out?

    I don't want to rush him, when you're in love you want go tell everyone, I suppress that urge.
     
  2. TOM666

    Regular Member

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    Gay
    I forgot to mention that my friend know my bf as a friend and are under the impression that he's straight .
    So I make up pretend friends that don't exist and say I'm spending time with them when I'm at my bf's place.
     
  3. Aspen

    Advisor Full Member

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    Location:
    Ohio
    Gender:
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    Gender Pronoun:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Have you talked to your bf about what he is and is not comfortable with when it comes to coming out? For instance, maybe you could tell your friends that you're seeing someone but you're respecting his wishes by not telling them who. Or you could tell them who they're dating but your BF can wait to tell the people in his life. Do your friend groups mix in a way that telling your friends could result in him being outed?

    There's no way for any of us to say you long it'll take your bf to want to come out. I don't know his situation or how he feels about it. I don't know what his friends or family are like. I've been in a relationship for three years and I'm still not out to my family because it's genuinely unsafe. It sucks to have to hide all the time. I urge you not to pressure him to come out, but there's nothing wrong with asking him about how he feels about it.
     
  4. resu

    Advisor Full Member

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    Location:
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    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I think you have to bring him into the situation and ask what he wants. For example, maybe he and you have few mutual connections, so there is not much a risk of him coming out to your friends. Or, you could do Aspen's option of admitting you're in a relationship but not specifying the name. Though, I wonder if at least some have suspicions.