I'm in love with my straight best friend. I'm not delusional, I know theres no chance of anything happening between us at all. I just wish I knew how to cope with it. Ive known him a long time now.... since middle school. Im 23 now. I've only just started feeling this way about him in these past few months. To put it simply, he's everything to me. He's helped me so much through my current bout of depression. He helps me get out and socialize and his company brings out the better side of me. Its to the point where everyone noticed how much of an impact he has on me when he's around.... even my parents have said they wish he were gay just so they can call him "son." (He does know about that last bit and shrugs it off) I just dont know if I'm better off getting it off my chest or not... I worry if I tell him how I feel he would isolate himself from me... I dont want anything to change in the friendship at all. I just want to know how to cope. I keep comparing dates to him and its really holding me back. :bang:
Welcome to EC! What you might do is tell him, but sort of undersell the extent. "I've recently noticed myself getting some feelings for you...feelings that I know that aren't returned. I'm thinking I may need to put a little more space between you and me for a while, just until I get my head back into the right spot." Put that way, he'll understand 1. what you're going through, and 2. your desire to do what's necessary to maintain the friendship. Lex
See thats just it though. I dont want space. It might be something advisable for me to do because in a way I rely on him but I'm hoping theres another way to go about it.
Hey mimikyu, I wish I could give you advice on how to cope with it. I was in a similar situation and I tried every coping method possible for 4 years until I couldnt take it anymore and ended up telling him everything. I tried to get over my feelings for him so many times but seeing him so often made that nearly impossible. Telling him everything has definitely made the friendship weird. We're still friends but everything is just different now it's not like it used to be. It's been about 4 months since I told him so I'm hoping with more time things slowly go back to normal but who knows. He took it about as well as I could have hoped for though. Your friend sounds like a really good guy I don't think he'd completely abandon you or anything it sounds like he's there for you. I don't really regret telling my friend because now I'm starting to live life again. Like you I compared everyone else to him and no one could compare. I ended up being incredibly lonley for 4 years. I am kinda bummed that the friendship changed but I'm hoping we stay close, and now I'm finally starting to completely move on from the idea of being with him. I hope this helps somewhat.
Wow I cant imagine being in that position for four years. May I ask what you did to cope before telling him? I know my friend would take it well but I want to avoid the awkwardness of it all. More background to my situation... for a while I was in a pretty emotionally abusive relationship and once that ended I began having feelings for my friend.
Most of the things I tried didn't help that much. I guess the biggest thing I did was I went to college pretty far away from home to get some distance from him because he was staying close. It didn't work though I just ended up missing him more. I tried talking to a counselor at my school he was kind of helpful short-term but when the sessions were over it was like I never talked about. I'm still in the closet so there was really no one else I could talk to either. At that point I resorted to getting high and drunk as often as I could just to get my mind off of him and the whole situation for a little while. Also not the best solution... so yeah nothing really worked until I told him. It's just a shitty situation to be in, from my experience there's no good way to go about it. I'm sorry to hear you were in an abusive relationship that sounds tough. I can especially understand not wanting to mess with your friendship since he's been there for you and helped you through shit.... good luck with whatever happens from here I hope everything works out okay for you
You may be doing a bit of what I call "convenience crushing". That's falling for somebody in your immediate circle even when you know a relationship isn't in the cards. In some cases, it's because it "simplifies" things. "See, if Bob were gay and into me, I could just date him. Then I wouldn't have to bother coming out and trying to find a boyfriend." In your case, this might be in part a response to your last dysfunctional relationship. "I don't ever want a relationship like that again, and there's no telling whether the next guy I meet will be like that. But Bob's a great guy - he'd never be like that. I wish he could be my boyfriend." it's really tough to "get over" somebody as long as they're always in your space. The only other thing that would help would be to have sonebody else to focus on, but that might not necessarily be the best move right now, either. Lex
