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Do liars change?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by shyguyww, Feb 1, 2017.

  1. shyguyww

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    So long story short, I broke up with my boyfriend a couple of days ago. He has always lied, and I always forgave him. This time I found out he cheated at the very beggining of our relationship. Is there hope? Do liars change? Experience tells me they don't.

    He says I'm the love of his life, that he is going to the doctor to solve his issues. He closed all social media.

    Any similar experiences? Oh and it's long distance btw, so it makes it even harder.
     
  2. Totesgaybrah

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    Generally speaking if a person lies regularly as an adult they most likely are not going to stop.

    But I'm no doctor.
     
  3. Sawyer

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    No, they don't.

    I was in a complicated relationship for 3 years with someone who was in the closet. Had all these rules when I could see her (so her fam wouldn't be suspicious, so it was like being long distance without being long distance)she believed in waiting until marriage, she got cheated on in the past and was still sad about that (because the whole waiting thing). And then she cheated on me.

    Thought about giving her a second chance, realized I value myself more than being treated like garbage. I put all the work in,vrespected everything she said, only to find out that the girl she cheated on me with had no rules and no marriage rule.

    It's not worth your time if adults can't act like adults.
     
  4. Embi

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    Technically, yes, people can change. But if they fucked up, they have to deal with the consequences. If someone lies to you again and again and one of the lies was that they cheated on you, you are better off leaving them. How are you going to trust them again? And it's not very likely that they are going to change, especially when they know you're going to forgive them anyway. You deserve someone who you can trust and who respects you.
     
  5. Jolly Hermione

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    Well, I would say they don't change.

    However, maybe he really means what he said? Maybe he really wants to change for you? Maybe he is worth a second chance?

    If you give him a second chance, be careful. Think about it for some time, because if you give him this chance and he is going to blow it you're going to be twice as heartbroken. You might even never trust anyone anymore. So be careful, but do what your heart tells you.

    By the way: People say that if someone cheated that person's likely to cheat again...
    Choose wisely.
     
  6. AnAtypicalGuy

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    Nope.

    There comes a point where a series of lies becomes too many lies. Once a person passes that point, you can know for sure that they won't be turning back any time soon.
     
  7. resu

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    If you always forgave, it sounds like you may be too trusting and not a good fit for your ex-boyfriend. Sometimes the best thing you can do for those you care about is give them space.
     
  8. YeahpIdk

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    I have a friend who got super upset when her boyfriend was caught talking inappropriately to other women through social media. She freaked out. Stopped talking to him. I told her to get rid of him. But he begged his way back to her and promised never to do it again. He went so far as to delete every form of social media to show her he was serious.

    That was at least 6 years ago. And he's been caught doing it countless times since. To a point where when she's upset about it and mentions it, I don't say anything further than, "wow, that's fucked up," and move to the next subject. She still stays with him. So I imagine it's a cycle that will go on forever.

    When they lie as adults. No, unless they have some serious come to Jesus moment, I don't believe they truly ever change.

    ---------- Post added 2nd Feb 2017 at 07:13 PM ----------

    Funny enough. When people have done things that are messed up, I use the Maya Angelou quote in Resu's signature.

    Always believe someone when they tell (show) you who they are the first time.
     
    #8 YeahpIdk, Feb 2, 2017
    Last edited: Feb 2, 2017
  9. Mimikyu

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    I want to say people can change but never under any circumstances take a liar's word for it that they have. If youre thinking of taking him back, dont. I beleive its possible to be friends with an ex but if he truely hurt you it isnt going to be worth it even trying for a friendship. Coming from someone who was in a pretty shitty relationship, it sounds like this guy is begging for sympathy in order to get leverage over you. Thats just my take on it though.
     
  10. justin88

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    Sad to say but there's a lot of truth in this.