Reflections and healing...right call?

Heyyyy!

Some of yall know the very complicated back story of my friendship crush turned huge mistake lol

Synopsis: friend I met after moving (queer, female bodied) kinda flirty, affectionate, etc which seemed like an obvious romantic interest, but then would hide other girls from me, deny that was happening, constantly seeking me out when I pull back, told they had no feelings, then said they did, then started dating someone else...

Very confusing, I cut them off for four months, but they started asking about me (mutual friends) and it got uncomfortable since they apparently wanted to talk to me. I sent a text to ask them to stop bothering our friends, we argue , I succumb to the pressure of having a face closure convo. We meet, hug waaaay too long (i am told i smell good and look good, etc etc). They miss me, they love me...they're still touchy and flirty and weird and dating the same girl they denied dating in the first place (they basically live together).

They want to reconnect, they repeat this in multiple ways. They're sorry, they know we are "worth" the difficulties, but admit me do not have platonic energy.

I say idk about reconnecting now, as is, since it feels wrong still. They respect it, but are sadden by it and says that whenever I'm ready, they're ready.

My logic/safety brain agrees with my action of cutting off communication and believes we should never speak again. My heart misses the hell out of this person, this friendship, and, if I'm totally honest, they romantic energy (although I legitimately do not want to date anyone right now).

So am I doing what most would do? Another couple months have gone by and I still have this feeling of wanting to reach out but can't name why. I've had other crushes, I'm busy as hell, and I'm refocusing on my health, so it's not boredom lol

We both made mistakes and maybe it will be different with a clearer boundary (ie...gf in the picture)?

 

Thanks!

I did tell them that they also needed to focus on their relationship instead of worrying about me. I wasn't really given a response to that.

I am definitely not trying to reach out to them. I just miss them and I'm feeling doubtful. I'm just so emotional about it still and I don't know why.