Hello, everyone! I'm new here, so please be kind..I have come to terms with my sexuality a long time ago, so no surprises there. My problem is I have met this absolutely amazing girl, we connect, I like her a lot, but she is 14 years younger than me.. She is 22 so you do the math..I feel too old for her and that kills me. So please tell me that it is not a big deal, tell me you know someone who happily lives in May-December relationship and doesn't feel old and boring. Or tell me to leave her alone..
First off, welcome to the site. As far as your question, rather than polling public opinion, the issue might be why you feel as if you're too old for her (or why she's too young for you). Granted, 36 and 22 is a fairly big difference, and there's a lot that changes about life between those two ages. I wouldn't personally recommend pursuing a relationship with someone at such a vastly different point in their life. How/why did you find yourself developing feelings for this person?
Gravity, thank you for paying attention to my question. Well, I realize myself that this age gap is not a good thing considering the exact ages - perhaps if she would be 30 and I would be 44, the gap would not seem so huge. To be honest she is not a typical 22 year old, she is very mature and smart for her age, but despite of that I still feel weird, like I am taking advantage of her. ---------- Post added 3rd Feb 2017 at 07:42 AM ---------- [QUOTE How/why did you find yourself developing feelings for this person?[/QUOTE] This is another thing what holds me back - she used to be my student. I know - bad cliche..We are still in very early stages of dating, she is very comfortable with our age difference, it's me who wants to run..She calls me stupid and says I am the best that could happen to her. I find it hard to believe her.. ---------- Post added 3rd Feb 2017 at 07:45 AM ---------- To be honest I don't know why I feel too old. Maybe because of all the things I have gone through during last 14 years and that I know she still has to experience. She has this road of self discovery before her and I feel like I might make her to skip some steps which she will regret later..
Real life example: my mum was about 19/20 when she met her husband (he was about 33/34). They got together when she was about 21, married, had a kid (her third, his sixth). Their marriage just ended (she's 42 and he's 56), but it was because he turned out to be a dick and she fell out of love with him, not because of the age difference. The majority of the relationships in my family have fairly big age differences, actually. I think the smallest age difference was about 9 years between them (they were 19 and 28 when they met). So really it's down to you and her, how you feel and who you are as people. Not everyone needs or wants the same experiences and an age difference doesn't necessarily mean some experiences will be taken from her. If there are issues you need to address, talk to her. If your only worry is you feeling 14 years is too big, then still keep communicating, but also trust that she probably knows what she wants. I hope this helps at all.
Thank you, it helps..It really does. There is something that bothers me, I can't really put a finger on it. Maybe it's the fear of being different in so many, many ways. I remember myself at her age and I can see the transformation clearly. I am not as spontaneous as I used to be, I have responsibilities - my job, my kid..It's just there are so many possibilities for this to go wrong..She doesn't see that because of her age, she is still in the love conquers all phase, which is sweet, but quite unrealistic..
Find out what's bothering you. You won't really know which direction to take until you know, I think. I suggest not ruling out her optimism for your relationship, as unrealistic as it may feel to you right now; my dad is 46 with a job, five kids, and two failed relationships with two out of the three mothers, and he still has that optimism. I, on the other hand, have seen too many bad relationships to have much faith in a good one existing. It's not always an age thing.
I see you are quite young yourself. Be honest- would you consider dating someone 14 years older than you? Sorry for the blunt question..
I'm 25 and have to say that I frequently had feelings for women much older than me since middle school...When I was 16, it was my 39 year old track coach! 17, my 27 year old physiology teacher. Last year, I was attracted to a volleyball coach in her 40s at the community college I attended. I did not date any of them or try anything with them. I have to say that I wanted to. I am still fairly young myself so I can only speak for the younger girl in this scenario. I would be willing to be in a relationship with someone in their 30s and even 40s. I understand that they would have more life experience than me, and I don't see that as a terrible thing. I work with people who are into their 40s and have seen quite a range of maturity levels among them...I'm not usually attracted to younger women because I feel that they are more often than not very immature. I warn that you might start to notice little things about her that are still childlike and off-putting. I'm only 25 and am saying this about people just a few years younger...It may or may not be a lot more noticeable to you. I do have to say that the older the woman is, the less likely I am to want a *serious* relationship. I would date and etc with no intentions of staying together forever.
love23cali Thank you for your opinion. I have to admit you sound a lot like her. She always says people her age are boring and immature. However I don't think I am ready to be the mature one in the relationships all the time and I'm afraid I will have to be. Do you know what I mean? We all want to be the silly, immature ones from time to time, we want to be taken care of..I don't think that's possible if the other person is so much younger..I don't know. I really like her, but there are just so many questions in my head.
Well, I think we're all capable of taking care of others when we recognize that they need it. You might notice in conversation pretty early on if she is too immature. If you two have managed great conversations already, then it sounds somewhat promising. I don't think it is likely to be a long lasting relationship but you might have something pretty enjoyable for a while. There's no harm in at least giving it a try.
It's totally fine to ask. It would depend on how strong my feelings were and what's going on in our lives. Like, if it was casual or romantic and they weren't responsible for anyone, sure I'd probably date them, but if they had a kid I'd be a little more hesitant and see if I felt it could go anywhere. I've been the child watching my parents split and date other people; I wouldn't want to mess anything up, I'd rather wait until we were something more serious. Either way, though, if I liked a person a good few years older than me I wouldn't say no to dating them. I've had a fair few crushes on older guys, though crushes on girls have generally been closer to my age.
. If she feels to young than she is too young. I'm on the opposite end I have someone who is too old for me. Old enough to be my mom, but other than that we connect well. She wants me get past the whole age thing but the age gap just doesn't feel right. I want someone who is closer to my age.
