Hi everyone, I've not been on for a few weeks, partly due to work being crazy busy. Partly due to me being pissed off at the world. Lol. Anyhoo. I posted part 1 of this about xmas time. Can't be arsed (see - angry) linking the thread. In a nutshell, disowned by my parents at 19. Spent time homeless blah blah. Recurring depression and panic attacks blah blah. Now 34, married to my awesome wife, great house, job, fur babies blah blah. But still recurring depression and panic. Blahhhhh. So, after discussing it with you awesome people, I'm back at counselling. 4 sessions in -results - non stop ANGER. I fucking hate everything. Me. Every person apart from my wife that comes anywhere near me. Bosses (dont fucking care). Apparently I'm "snappy" with everyone. Well fuck u. Pftttttt I cant seem to separate any fucking thing in this useless bastard mind of mine enough to work out the anger. To be able to just fucking cry and fucking answer my counsellor's fucking questions. He's good. He is. But all he has got is small answers from me. Closed mind. Fuck all memories. Just anger. I really like(d) going on the parents' forum here and trying to be supportive and give advice to parents and learn what or WHY they do what they do. But now I just wanna go on and be like WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING? JUST DONT BE A DICK. IT'S NOT FUCKING HARD. U CHOSE TO FUCKING BREED, SO LOVE YOUR KID. Blah blah. So if yous dont mind, I'll hold off posting for a while. Just wanted to vent. Thanks for reading. Would love any advice or support. Scuse my language :tantrum: Love Lynz
Hey Lynx, I'm so sorry you're having such a terrible time. I don't have any experience with anger that bad but the one time I thought I was going to lose it, I did something which actually helped me feel 100% better. I'm not saying it will work like that for you but it certainly couldn't hurt. I was at work on a weekend and things were not going well, I really didn't want to be there and some other stuff was going on which was making me more and more crazy. Anyway, at one point I couldn't take it anymore so I went outside into the parking lot and screamed at the top of my lungs. You can't imagine how much better that made me feel. Never mind that someone from another department, who also happened to be working, ran outside to see if someone was being murdered. Haha. That was just a bonus. Do you have somewhere you could let out a blood curdling scream? A field nearby or somewhere? It will not fix what's making you angry but you might be surprised how much better you feel. And that's a start, right?
Undefined anger is often a sign of PTSD. I'm no doctor, though, so I think you should continue with the therapy, but your post just reminded me of a friend who seemed to have lots of anger without seeming to have a current problem that would justify the amount of anger. The friend was diagnosed with PTSD and therapy for it helped a lot. Just a thought. Take care. ride: