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So complicated

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by jamescool, Feb 10, 2017.

  1. jamescool

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    If you've read my previous posts, I got some advice here regarding me and my crush months ago. Well, basically I'm having some issues again, and I've realised that being a LGBT is really killing me, I hope I can force myself to become straight.

    Well, so basically my crush has gotten closer to another guy, let's call him B. B is completely straight and not touchy unlike my crush. The problem is, whenever my crush is with me, he keeps on mentioning B and hinting that he is being touchy with B and likes him, romantically, yes.

    Are they really close and being touchy together? I don't know. I just heard it from my crush himself, not seeing it. It may be real, and it may also be my crush playing around with me, testing me? My crush and I might not be that close anymore (we're busy with our own stuffs), but once we get together it still feels like the previous times, and his behaviour towards me hasn't changed at all.

    I'm afraid it could be my crush playing around with me, since me myself has gotten closer to another guy too (call him C). C is also completely straight, had girlfriends, but he's very very touchy, yet different. He is touchy to everyone else. My crush did see him being touchy with me quite a few times (although I'm not touchy while being with him as he is proclaimed straight, I don't want to fall in love with him, and I still love my crush), and didn't seem quite happy about it.

    TLDR
    My crush has gotten closer to another guy. He keeps on hinting me that he likes the guy.

    I've also gotten closer to another guy, but not romantically. This might be why my crush is sending me negative signals.


    I really don't know what is my crush trying to tell me. Does he like B and acting like he's still that close with me? Or is he insecure of our intimate relationship?

    Everything's complicated. If he is insecure, what he is doing is making me more insecure as well. I'll bet the first situation, as it's more likely, but I can't give up. I still love my crush...

    ---------- Post added 10th Feb 2017 at 07:46 AM ----------

    Or maybe I'm exaggerating and making a big deal out of it and need psychological help. :frowning2:

    ---------- Post added 10th Feb 2017 at 07:56 AM ----------

    Additional info:

    My crush and B may be touchy together but won't be as touchy as me and my crush being together, as I know B definitely does not have a crush on my crush. B is my friend, too.

    C and I might be touchy together, but it's quite one-sided, and it's totally different as the relationship is a platonic friendship. He does not like me romantically, and neither do I.
     
    #1 jamescool, Feb 10, 2017
    Last edited: Feb 10, 2017
  2. AlmostBlue

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    I don't think trying to analyze what your crush's behavior could mean is productive. I looked at your previous posts as well, but I'm still unclear of what exactly you want out of this?

    You know that if you want clarity, you can have a proper conversation with him and ask him how he is feeling and what his intentions are. He already knows your orientation, so it shouldn't be such a big risk. There are many ways to go about this diplomatically, it doesn't have to be awkward.

    However, you mentioned in the other post that you don't want to do this. So what is it that you are looking for at this point? Are you waiting for him to make the move? Do you want to have a romantic relationship with him? If that's the case, it's already been such a long time that if he hasn't already made a move on you, then that could possibly mean that he does not want to, or he is not ready to, and will not be ready for a while. He could be confused, or just straight but touchy feely. If you want this situation to change, then you have to be the one to make the change. Otherwise, you could continue to be stuck in this situation for a long time, and I'm sure that's not what you want.
     
  3. jamescool

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    ...he keeps on mentioning B and, hinting and sometimes SAYING OUT that he is being touchy with B and likes him, romantically, yes. (He should have at least guessed if I have a crush on him after all this time, yet he did this in front of me? It's like he's trying to show all of these to me, for some reasons)

    ---------- Post added 10th Feb 2017 at 08:38 AM ----------

    I'm sure he isn't ready to have ANY form of relationship yet, whether straight or gay, or anything. But I'm not sure why is he being like this recently? Of course I'm not making a move right now, gay is 100% not accepted in where I live, and I have a very good friendship with him that I don't want to ruin.
     
  4. AlmostBlue

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    If you don't want to make a move, or have a relationship with him or any other guy, then why even question his behavior? You've made it clear that nothing will happen, regardless of how he feels or what he does. Then all you can do is keep your feelings to yourself and don't bother trying to guess how he feels. Even if you figure it out, nothing will change. That's all I can say, but I obviously don't think this is a healthy choice, and that hopefully in the future you can move somewhere where you can be yourself.
     
  5. jamescool

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    Yup I agree that this is not a healthy choice. I want to move on but I can't. I'm still betting on it and hope that things change after years. I'm fine with him until now, when he's starting to tell me about B. This is bothering me, or I can say it as ANNOYING. He hints a lot that he likes him, which is one thing that might tells me that he could be not straight, and that's what makes me more persistent. I just can't get it why he has to boast some stuffs he probably knew I don't like in front of me.
     
  6. jamescool

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    Alright so I'm back to this thread...

    Now my crush and I both know we love each other (but not in an official relationship due to cultural reasons). The thing is that the problem still exists. It seems that my crush always sends me negative signals when he's jealous.

    He just told me that he is gay with B (mentioned above), blurting it out randomly in a conversation. I know that my crush is quite close with B, but I wonder why he needs to say this. Of course I was surprised and got angry. Then only he added on that he and B are just "gay", and we are "real lovers". I really don't get what he is trying to tell? Is he just jealous (he's actually very possessive of me), or does this tell me that I could be not the only choice?

    My crush didn't know that what he just said has made me down, so I told him. However it seems that he still doesn't know what he said wrongly.