Hello people of empty closets I apologise in advance for the long post So five months back I met a guy and we immediately seemed to like each other, and when we accidentaly met at a party we exchanged numbers and I asked him out. This was really new to me as, even though im out to dozens of friends and wont deny anything to anyone, I had never even kissed a guy before. So we went on a great date, and then another (where we kissed for the first time) and then another. And then I went to his place (one month into this dating thing we had) and we had sex, and it was an amazing first time experience (sorry if thats TMI ). From that point on he seemed uninterested in going on more dates and seemed to avoid it (even though he is much more experienced and out than me, it really gets on his nerves not being able to show affection when we are in public) and preffered inviting me to his place once every few weeks (we both live with our families and have no place to ourselves). And then exam season came and he made it clear that he wasnt going to come out of the house for its duration to study. And that is exactly what's happened. So now that its over, he has decided to spend the first week being free catching up with friends and then spend some time with me at his house(I always spend the night as he insists) I need some help from LGBT people with similiar experiences to help me clear out if he is looking for something more or if it is just for sex(which is fine by me since we never had a talk about what it is that we are doing, but I want to know because I kinda like him and would like to know if I should push for something more or meet new people). So, obviously the fact that he doesnt seem interested to spend not-sexy time with me tells me its just sex, as well as the fact that even though he hasn't seen me for a month and a half he isn't eager to meet me at all. But there are also things that all my (non-lgbt, if that's even relevant) friends say are proof he really likes me. Firstly, before the exams he invited me to a party were I met most of his best friends and he kissed me in public and in front of them (after he asked for my permission, that was really sweet). Plus, we havent stopped texting everyday since the day we started "dating" and for months now we always says goodnight everyday. {This was nice at first(at a period where we would have hour-long conversations texting), then it got boring and then, in the last few weeks, it got infuriating. During exams our conversations started to halt and we would text for like 2 minutes before he would leave to study. Naturally I assumed he needs his space, so I stopped iniciating texting most days. And what happens everytime I do that? He texts something like "hey how are you" and we small-talk for a bit and then goodnightes me, or he just sends a "goodnight" and I reply the same and the next night even if no one iniciates any conversation he still textes "goodnight" again. A bit, uh, weird, maybe? or is it just me?} In person, he is very sweet and charming and a complete gentleman. One time when I went to his place he surprised me with lit candles and a playlist with our favourite songs mixed playing. + he was really perfect with the sex thing, and even though he has had sex with many people in the past he let me take my time and made absolutely sure my first time was perfect and at my own pace(I really cant thank him enough for that :eusa_clap:eusa_clap:eusa_clap). So, what do you think? Just sex, not just sex? Is there a chance that he just wants sex but weirdly thinks that everyday-pointless-1minute-texting is a guarantee to get in my pants once again(and I hold myself back from meeting other people, thinking that this cute guy has feeling for me)?\ I am really sorry if I dont make any sense All my previous, high school, "relationships" eventually prooved childish and "too-damn-texty", if thats even a word, (admitedly, those where with girls ) + the fact that my first, not-just-friends situation with a guy (and the only gay guy I know, actually) turned "texty", really hit a sensitive chord :help: Please dont feel any obligation to write back a really long answer (no matter how much I'd love that ) as I am not anxious or sad or have any mental issues at the moment and (actually, since I met the guy) and im currenlt going though the best period of my life so far So if you dont feel like replying much, just send your conclusion, I'd love to hear as many opinions as I can Love you all guys and hope I did well on my first post on empty closets
You mentioned that you haven't talked about what the two of you are looking for in this relationship. Start there. Talk to him. The only way to know for sure what his expectations are right now is to ask him.
Off course you are right -.- Do you ever have this feeling re-reading your own older post that makes you cringe about your priorities? To tell you the truth, its hasn't even been 24 hours from when I posted the thread and I already cringe as if I'm reading a diary entry from elementary school In a time when i wouldn't talk about it with anyone else, I know I would make myself clear about my views and my wants as soon as I got a good chance (fyi had plenty, took none). But I do ask people for advice now, and all my closests friends' advice is not to have that conversation unless I am 100% sure I want to be with him, which I'm not.
Hey Watlwtwd, Even if you don't know for sure that you want to be with him, don't you think you should at least have a heart-to-heart conversation with him about this? Open, two-way communication is a very important foundation in any relationship. In your case, you won't really know what he's thinking about all of this unless you ask and he won't know how you are feeling/perceiving his actions unless you tell him. It sounds like he is very wary of having a public bf relationship with you. Your description sounds more an FWB relationship in public, even though he seems to do romantic things with you and for you in private. Is he scared of having a public bf relationship? Is he uncomfortable with being Out in public? Ultimately, even if you determine that the way your relationship with him works or that it turns out that he is unable or unwilling to modify it to better suit your needs/desires, don't you think that the best way forward is to talk to him about it? At least telling him how you feel and letting him express his feelings will give the two of you a chance to work things out for a happier relationship. If they don't work out, a heart-to-heart conversation should at least give the two of you closure. Neither of you deserve to end the relationship in such an awkward manner that one or both of you are left hanging (not really understanding what went wrong). Especially, if a straightforward conversation could have actually repaired your relationship and made it even more fulfilling for both of you. Just my 2cents.
Talk to him in person face to face if you can and just ask him what does he want from the relationship.
Thank you guys I will just follow my gut and have an open conversation, and hope that if I got into a FWB situation without knowing I will keep my cool and make a decision that im ok with :/ Personally I think that I'd never be emotionally mature enough to have FWB relationship without a)screwing it up big time or b)getting,like,all the feels for the person and getting myself screwed over big time :eusa_doh: Do you believe being friends with benefits with someone is plausible?
Hey Watlwtwd, That seems like pretty clear thinking, to me. Can someone have a FWB relationship with someone else? Absolutely. It takes no maturity, just agreement from both parties. It happens all the time. The issue that I think you are getting at is when one person starts to develop emotional feelings/attachments to the other person, which go outside the bounds of a straight-forward FWB relationship. Does that happen? Absolutely. Is it a problem? Absolutely, unless the other partner also starts to develop an emotional attachment. Is that the situation in which you currently find yourself? Only you can tell us.
This is only your first relationship, so treat it as a learning experience. Do what you feel comfortable with, and it's okay if you are unsure. I think one reason you should have the "Define This Relationship" conversation is to give yourself permission to meet other people if he just wants to be FWB.
