How often do you think couples should be having sex? Im going through a bit of a dilemma. I love my girlfriend. We have amazing sex usually, when we have it... We have been in a relationship for about a year and a half. When we first met our sex was great... as the relationship progressed it was even better and more passionate. It still is amazing, however it is too infrequent. This has always been an issue though, we even fought about sex towards the beginning of our relationship, for example some nights when we would come back drunk and I would want sex and she would be "tired" or "not in the mood" ... however i feel it is getting worse. I love her and am super physically attracted to her. And i know she wants to be with me. I ask her like " are u not attracted to me?" and she assures me she is and I tell her well I feel like you are not if you are not Dying to have sex with me... I have asked if we should try having a 3sum or being with other people and she says No she doesnt want that. ... if she loves me and is truly attracted to me, wouldnt she want to have sex with me sooo bad? I just dont get it. Im a very attractive woman and get hit on all the time. Its just my girlfriend makes me feel unwanted and makes me feel like she isnt attracted to me because of our lack of intimacy. She acts cute and flirty towards me a lot, but its just it seems like she doesnt really care to have sex, we'll lay in bed at night and be cuddly and she wont make a move. I am sick of making moves on her. It bothers me because to me sex is one of the best things in life, it strengthens relationships and i am started to feel depressed. Any thoughts? am i overreacting? In my opinion, I would like to be having mind-blowing sex at the LEAST 1 time a week. I feel like couples who live together should atleast be having sex 1-2 times a week. With this i would be happy. Right now we are going on about 4 weeks... I understand some weeks it wont work because of school and her work etc... but I just feel like if we are busy during the week, why is she not dying to be intimate with me on the weekends? Any one relate or is anyone kind of more like my girlfriend? Thanks.
Short answer : as often as you want to (unless you're doing it 10 times a day) Now this is not really a useful answer since there is more to explore here than what you simply asked. The answer to your main question is relative. It depends on your needs, and the needs of your partner(s). It is possible that one partner will want sex less often/more often than another. Sex drive is different for everyone, and varies with time. It's not about you, or about how attractive you are, it's a matter of chemistry (mostly, there's also some neurology thrown into the mix). Moreover, you shouldn't force them in/out of sex (although talking out of sex is generally considered okay, while talking into having sex is way, way worse). What you can do is discuss with your partner and try to work it out (maybe find a common ground, or compromises, although with matters of sex, it's most likely difficult). To answer another question : I don't think you're overreacting, but you're maybe asking the wrong people. You should try, in my opinion, to bring the issue up with your girlfriend (as calmly and clearly as possible, without trying to coerce her/guilt trip her) and find answers. Maybe you're simply not sexually compatible, which I'd hope is unlikely, but is a possibility (that means : you want more, she wants less, you can't find a compromise, then there's no solution). So I'd advise you to go talk about it with her, calmly and honestly, communicate (which is what makes good relationships work) and work it out (without bringing it up to an argument, if it becomes one, then there's a problem). I don't think there's really anything else you can do. So good luck, and have a nice day~
Honestly LIVINLAVIDA, I agree with FluffyLightFox. In a true relationship, there should be open and honest communication. Some partners have a greater sexual urge/need than others. And that can change over time. If you truly LOVE someone, you should do your best to adapt to their needs AND they should adapt to your needs. It's a mutual, loving relationship, right? Having said that, you are clearly feeling under-rated or even unappreciated. So talk to her! Maybe she is shy about sex. Maybe her sex drive is lower than yours. Who knows until you talk honestly and openly with her about this. Two-way communication is an extremely important foundation to any relationship. (Even if it means that, in the end, the two of you aren't right for each other.) Just my thoughts.
Try not to think in terms of "If she loves me, then she'll..." because it looks very clear her interest in sex is different (not better nor worse) than yours. Ask her what she wants, state what you want, and then try to work out a compromise so you both feel you are contributing to the relationship.
yeah well the problem is it usually becomes an argument . i dont know what to do. its extremely hurtful when she rejects me.
I'm sorry this is getting to you so much. Like others said, frequency of sex depends on the individuals involved in the relationship. Aside from encouraging you to discuss this with your partner calmly, I'd say try not to take this so personally. I am pretty certain that she finds you attractive, and that she expresses her affection for you in other ways. I suspect sex doesn't have the same significance for her, and that has nothing to do with you. It is perfectly fine to have your own needs and expectations, but if they are derived from the need to feel validated, then it could be an unhealthy expectation, for both of you. So take the time to think about how your girlfriend appreciates you holistically, and try not to link sex directly to validation.
My bf and I have sex maybe once a week, or basically whenever we have time. There was once incident where one of us had plans and we didn't meet up that week, but we really wanted to see each other the following week. Maybe she's not the type to have sex very often? Or she could be just busy in general. Either way, talk to her about it and let her know your concerns; it's the only way.
I've always been like, once or twice a week if we weren't living together, and every day if we were together... but your mileage may vary. If I was in a relationship and didn't get any in four weeks I'd probably be uncontrollably horny.
Nope. So, while people want to have sex and many people might want a lot of sex with their partners, sex doesn't equate to love and there aren't rules of how many times sex "should" happen. For example, in my relationship, my husband is WAAY hornier than I am. If I have sex once a month that is good for me. Hell, sometimes I can go longer than that. Sex just isn't something that I'm incredibly all about. This is a conversation that we have with my husband a lot. We check in with each other every so often to see how we are feeling about it. While I will not have sex out of guilt or duty, I will come up with other way to address his feelings. Lets say he feels unwanted because I don't want to have sex, then I come up with way to address that. whether its buying him a surprise present, getting him flowers, planning a surprise date, etc. There are other ways to feel appreciated other than sex. We have also come to some other compromising that might not work for everyone. If he really wants to have sex with me, but I'm still not in the mood, then I will jack him off with a fleshlight or use a dildo on him. I will invite you to try and have these conversations again, but try and keep sex from feeling like a duty. Do you really want the compromise to be "you must have sex every week with me whether you like it or no, else it means you don't love me"? Talk about how everything makes you feel. Then see how she feels about having this pressure on her. Find other ways other than sex that can reaffirm your feelings of being wanted. I will end with reiterating that no one, not even your partner, owes you sex or their body simply because they love you or find you sexy.
