Okay so I know I mentioned this in my original thread about questioning my sexuality. But I wanted to make a separate thread about this particular situation cause its bothering me. I have today off, I had yesterday off, but tomorrow’s “my Monday” at work. This past few days, nearly a week probably, since I joined have done so much for me. I’ve become so much more comfortable with my sexuality and IRL I’ve been so much happier even if I’m not out yet and can’t be out yet. But the problem is this: I think I might accidentally out myself at work before I’m ready. Let me explain, for those who didn’t read the original thread. Ever since I admitted to myself like a year or so ago that I might like girls I’ve noticed that pretty much giving myself permission also led to me checking girls out more. This confused me at first cause it felt so sudden, but I think it was me telling myself its okay not to repress it anymore. But ever since I’ve joined here and become more comfortable with myself, I think I’ve gotten more obvious than I’d like to be. Sunday at work I got caught twice by coworkers looking at girls. Its embarrassing because I feel like I’m going through the awkward hormonal teenager phase I never went through in school! But I’ll only talk about one of the two incidents I got caught cause I actually talk to one of the boys that caught me looking, so that particular incident is the one I want opinions on. So here’s what happened. A girl came in wearing one of those really see through, holey-lacey tops that are meant to be worn over a tank top but she had no tank top on, just a bra. I’m a cashier and cause I was on lane 1, a speedy checkout lane, of course she picked my register of all the registers to check out at. I didn’t say anything but in my head I was like what the hell are you wearing, you’re in public! It was incredibly awkward. And the boy on the register near mine, a highschool kid who I am calling Robin, saw me. I’m pretty sure he found the whole thing amusing. He quirked an eyebrow and looked like he wanted to laugh or something before he went back to the customer he was with. I was too caught up in the fact he noticed me to process what the expression actually meant so a lot of this is just me looking back and guessing. All i am certain about that memory is that he looked amused by what he saw. This is embarrassing because I actually do talk to Robin! Small talk really. I mean I’ve always been shy and awkward but I enjoy his company just cause he’s easy to talk to. But honestly I barely know the kid, I don’t know much about him, and from what little I do know he’s not a good kid either even if he is friendly. I’m just not sure how to handle things if he brings up what he saw at work tomorrow. How badly did I fuck up? How awkward is this going to be at work tomorrow? What are the chances he’ll say anything? What should I say if he says something? I'm not out even at work where I feel somewhat liked and accepted even if I barely talk to people…but I think people are gonna start noticing anyways and that's scary. Do note that Robin is not his real name. I just call him that on here cause his haircut reminds me of Robin from Game of Thrones.
If he says anything just say you couldn't believe she'd wear that in public. Or you could come out but it sounds like you don't want to do that. And if other people notice you looking at girls, just say you liked their top/pants or something. Fashion is a great excuse.
Yeah. I mean as much as he's easy to talk to, i have no idea if his amused reaction means he'd be a safe person to tell. Plus i barely know the kid. Its not something i want getting out right now and idk if he's the type who - like a lot of my middle aged women coworkers - would go blabbing it to others. Your cover ideas are good. If he does say something i'll probably go for the 'i cant believe what she was wearing' thing cause that is why i was staring. That and she had a nice bra on but she wasn't attractive at all. Random sidenote...but how the hell do i tone this down at work. I feel like i'm making up for never having the awkward teenage hormonal phase and ten years of not understanding my own sexuality. But at the same time I think forcing myself to repress it would feel too much like hiding. Idk tbh.
Doesn't really sound like you messed up at all. Most guys (assuming he's straight) are clueless about these things and dismiss them as you being judgy or doing a body comparison. I mean, I really don't know you, but unless you would fit the stereotype lesbian butch appearance, the idea that you might be gay probably was the farthest thing from this guy's mind. And if it wasn't, its probably because he thought it was hot that you were checking her out, in which case his own guilt for thinking about it would probably prevent him from mentioning it publicly. As far as work goes, I mean, I'm in school still, but I've also been going through this since I started actually accepting myself about 11 months ago. The checking out girls more because of that acceptance. And paranoia that someone will notice. Personally I'm pretty sure I was overcompensating before I was ready to accept myself and when I would see a really pretty girl, I would look away because I was uncomfortable in my attraction to her, so I totally noticed how much more I was looking at chicks when I came out to myself too. Anyways, people are generally clueless, because unless they're looking for your gayness they wont notice. I mean, as said before, if they would guess you were a lesbian based on the stereotypes then this doesn't apply, but. Straight girls look at other girls a lot too, to judge, to compare, so chances are you're not half as obvious as you think you are. And even if it seemed odd to someone and you were staring for a long time, they probably wouldn't automatically assume it was your sexuality because we don't make up the majority of the population, wheras straight girls comparing their bodies to their rivals (especially those in revealing clothing) are much more common. You can get away with checking girls out a lot more than you think you can, everyone's different, but I check out girls as I feel like it, I brought roses to school for a girl I was asking out (kinda sorta how i came out but no one noticed lol), I dated a masculine girl and, while I was not out enough to do PDA or anything declarative, we walked around together a lot, and literally almost no one knows I'm not straight. I don't go out of my way to hide it, and most people are clueless, ESPECIALLY guys. No guys have figured out that I like girls without me telling them directly. So I'm pretty sure you're safe and just a little paranoid. I hope you feel reassured or I was helpful in some way!!!
Drummergirl said everything I was thinking of saying.. and better too! You're probably safe. And how can you not look?
Most straight girls if a lady has very present cleavage look to they say. Like the rest said, I dont think you messed up at all! Or that he noticed !
Thank you beenthrdonetht, like honestly you made me feel super good about myself and kinda made my day and I know it was super simple, but I'm new and this is a cool place
Thank you so much for this post!! This reassured me a lot. Yes i have heard it said that a girl can get away with it a lot more than a guy can, but even so this situation had me freaked regardless. I've seen the boy i am calling Robin twice since buying stuff, checking out at his register, and he didn't mention it either time. So i feel like I'm probably safe from any intrusive questioning from him. Thanks so much!! Your post clarified a lot.
You just kept on hitting the nail on the head. And so well put... who ever said that computers would kill writing? Then when you got to the rose story... you're just an expert already. You should hang around here and give more advice. But what matters is that our Lunar friend got the message. Looks like she did. BTW: Pearl, Tama, DW, Ludwig? Avedis vs. K Zildjian? Matched or traditional grip? The world must know.
