Hey guys. I wanted to share something in hope for some insight. So there's this guy I met two months ago. We clicked right from the start as we have somewhat similar interests and could understand each other quite well. It didn't take long to start hanging out and just chill together. The problem is that now I'm regretfully starting to develop feelings for him. Now from the title it's obvious that he is straight, but he doesn't know I'm gay. It was never my intention to start liking him in that way, he was just a good guy I wanted to be friends with. I have never been able to have a crush on a straight person. I've been attracted to straight people, of course, but I have never had a crush or a deeper feeling for them, mainly because I know that it's never gonna work out. That being said... I'm afraid I'm genuienly starting to develop feeling for him. And it's a pretty sucky feeling... I constantly switch from thinking about him to sadness that nothing will come out of it. I always watch my manners around him. As much as I want to be physical with him, I keep my fair distance in the fear that one involuntarily long hug might creep him out or a prolonged touch of legs or something might repulse him. Every reminder that he's straight irrationally hurts me, for example when he talks about the girl he likes. I don't show it, of course, for the same reason I mentioned earler. In conclusion, I am afraid that I can't stop feeling this way about him. I am fully aware that this is hopeless, but... I don't know, I guess I wanted to just get it out of my system. If you have any advice or if you have been in a similar situation, by all means do share. And if you actually read this far, you're the best. (*hug*)
a crush is okay but always know your limits. constantly remind yourself that this guy is out of bounds. remember that falling for a straight guy is the main ingredient in a recipe for disaster, and guess who's the casualty?! think of broken bones... that's how much it's going to hurt if you let yourself fall.
Trust me I know the consequences, but I really don't know what to do as this has never happened before. The only solution I see is to stop seeing each other but I really, really don't want to do that.
Unfortunately, Proxima, you're right. The only real way to get over crushes like this are time and distance. If you were to get yourself a boyfriend, that could help you to get past your crush on your straight friend, but from what you wrote, it doesn't sound like you currently have any boyfriend prospects. Could you just make some excuse as to why you need to take a break from seeing him for a while? That could give you time to get your emotional attachment to him back under control. Sometimes it can help a little to at least tell a straight friend about your crush - assuming he's the kind of person who would likely be o.k. with it (of course, if he isn't o.k. with it, he probably would break off his friendship with you, which would actually give you the separation you need from him.) Just some thoughts.
well, you said it yourself... you know the solution but you just won't do it. there is that other option though - you could be upfront with your feelings with him and just deal with the consequences. it's either... a.) he likes you too or b.) he doesn't like you like you like him but accepts you for who you are and continues with the friendship, but strictly platonic or c.) he'd be awkward with it and shun you away entirely. you could also try getting to know the girl he likes and see if she could possibly be a good match for him. hopefully with no biases. you know, if you can't be with him at least you know he could end up with a great girl that can take care of him like you could. you are friends first before your feelings for him started to blossom. so maybe think of what can make your friend happy, even without you in the picture. i hope that your friendship is more important to you than your romantic feelings for him.
I understand where you are coming from totally. It's that trap of feeling something so overwhelming that you know is totally irrational and you hate yourself for it, but it won't stop. I'm kinda in a similar situation right now with a guy who I actually can't figure out if he's gay, straight or bi but it's a really awkward thing to randomly ask someone. I would advise you from an outsider's perspective, rather than my own- he is never going to be more than a friend to you, so there really is little option here but to either come clean to him (not preferable, I know) or find some way/excuse of putting some distance between you for a while. All the best x
As someone who has crushed on straight guys and taken gay guys a few times in the past, I think it would be pertinent for you right now to really think about how you'll never be in a loving relationship with this friend. It may seem like an obvious idea, but it's important for you to take a few minutes, or however long you need, to just soak that in. It's a bitter pill to swallow, but you'll have a much harder time moving on and living life with your feelings for him nagging at you in the back of your head. Other than that, I can only really reinforce what everybody else has said. If you want to get over him, you need distance, time, and to remember that he's off the market for you. The alternative is a constant sense of melancholy and romantic frustration that lasts for way longer than the sadness your time away from him will. This is an awful situation to be in, and I'm sorry you have to deal with it, but separation is really the only solution. I would recommend telling him how you feel before you do it, since a negative reaction wouldn't much matter to you anyway, if you're planning on being apart, but if you two have mutual friends, or your social situation with him is complicated somehow, you could use an excuse. Best of luck, I hope you find somebody soon.
