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I'm trans, and my parents won't pay for College

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by LettuceDog, Feb 16, 2017.

  1. LettuceDog

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    I'm a 15 year old transgender girl, and an inmigrant from Peru, a deeply Catholic country that is considered to be the most conservative in South America. I came out to my deeply religious parents two years ago hoping to find love, but all I got was rejection. They have taken away all my make up, confiscated my money and taken away my phone, cutting me off from my friends. They also made it clear just how much they hated me for this, saying I'm being selfish, mocking me and saying no one will ever love me for being "a f*ggot." I am very depressed and have attempted suicide before as a result of this, but I've done my best to escape the situation through music, films, and the hope of transitioning one day. Yesterday, while discussing the issue of college, I reunited all my courage and asked them if they would still pay for my education if I transitioned while in college. My dad straight up said that he would be so dissapointed in me that he would not only stop paying, but fully disown me, and take my transition as me declaring war on him and my mom. I did my best not to show my sadness, but then went into my room and cried my eyes out. I was close to attempting suicide, but my best friend stopped me using the Pinterest messaging app on my school iPad, which I still have because every "bad" website is supposed to be blocked. I am also writting this on my iPad, as my computer is now monitored by my mom. I am terrified of ending up as another homeless trans girl who has to resort to prostitution to survive. I'm scared I'm not a good enough student to get a scholarship, my avarge GPA is around 3.6, I feel like I'm just mediocre at everything I do and couldn't possibly get into a decent college without money. Thankfully, my best friend has stayed by my side, and she is the only reason why I'm still here. Still, I'm just feeling so isolated, especially knowing my parents would take me trying to be myself as a declaration of war. I just feel like maybe I should just pretend to be a straight Christian boy to be accepted by them and be loved again. I don't know what to do anymore, and honestly, suicide sometimes seems like the best answer.

    I just hope someone, anyone, reads this. It may not sound like much, especially since I'm from an upper class family and have everything any child could want, but my dysphoria is eating me alive, and I'm basically already disowned, as I intend to transition no matter what it takes. I'm just so frightened at how uncertian my future is, and I'm hopelessly depressed and suicidal.
     
  2. CurdledMilk

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    I am so sorry to hear this situation. It must be horrible plucking up the courage to come out just to have it all collapse on you. I am certainly glad your best friend was there for you at least, but I'm not sure how it works where you are but in the UK we can get a student loan which gets paid back later in life once a course is complete and you're set for life in a good job. My advice is to teansition as soon as you are willing to, as your parents sound like they have disowned you anyway, so what's there to lose? With any luck, it can only go up.
     
  3. BrookeVL

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    (*hug*) I know how you feel....I'm moving out soon because I'm not accepted by my family either.
     
  4. LettuceDog

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    Thank you for replying. I am in the US, so loans are a thing here too, but the interest rates are so high that most people end up in debt for life. I am already socially transitioning, with over 90% of my friends adressing me by my preffered name and treating me just like they would any other girl, which has basically made my life tolerable. I have also worn make up to school, but I can't anymore because they talked to the principal about it and I would get reported on if I did it. Also, I can't physically transition yet, as my parents would find the hormones anyway (I'm horrible at hiding stuff), and that would mean moving back to Peru (they threatened to do that if I kept wearing make up to school). I'm just in such a difficult situation, and it seems like all I can do is either take it and keep suffering with dysphoria and depression, or just end it all.
     
  5. CurdledMilk

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    Personally I would prefer to have a lifelong debt but a better life rather than a short life. There must be some sort of thing child protection services can do to help, you're not alone in this!
     
  6. LettuceDog

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    Thank you so much. I don't think CPS can really do much, but you do have a point. I have no other escape, so maybe life-long debt is better than not going to college and dying at 30 without having even transitioned. Thank you for making that point, I think you may be right.

    ---------- Post added 16th Feb 2017 at 09:51 PM ----------

    I'm so sorry to hear that. I hope things turn out fine, us trans sisters need to stick together always. (*hug*)
     
  7. DoriaN

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    I read it. Sorry to hear about your experiences, it can have a damper on your outlook on life but remember no matter what you're a valuable person and worthy of love.