I told my mom that I was bisexual tonight and we were in a car so I knew she couldn't go anywhere but it wasn't quite the response I was expecting and I just need some advice on how to respond in the next few days. She told me basically that I was being influenced by society and that I had never shown these interests (I've known since about 5th grade that I've been interested in both guys and girls) but I always felt like it was extremely wrong considering religious upbringing. She asked me if it was just a whim and how sure am I that it's actually true. She also brought up my depression (I really hate using that word), but she thinks that me being down has something to do with it and she can't imagine me being this way. I don't know how to convince her and even if I should? I don't know why I want her approval so badly but I do and I think that's one of the saddest parts is how much I seek that from her, that it leads me to not accepting myself.
I feel you, to a point. My mom's already rejected me over stupid stuff before, and i know i'll never be welcomed back under her roof again if/when she finds out i'm gay. There's a chance that my dad might not care but he's always deferred to my mom's decisions. It hurts so fucking much knowing that the only people i hoped would always be there for me, at least superficially, won't. What has helped me deal with it, to a point, was to develop a sense of independent self worth separate from what they think of me. I have no real support system in real life so i used bands and youtubers to do this. It might not be much but it helped me to learn to think like this. Its hard to explain but if you learn to have your own self worth and self acceptance and can 'stand on your own two feet' in that department, it helps. It won't fix the need for your family's acceptance but if they continue to be unable to accept you, it can help you deal with it. Its only natural to want your family's acceptance. Surround yourself with people who do accept you - for me, that's supervisors, managers, and coworkers in real life as well as youtubers and people here. I might not be actual friends with any of the above but having their positive influence helps so much. It keeps me going.
What she said is what "they" all say. It's just tougher when it's your mom, who of course you want to love and respect. Depressed? Of course you are. Who wouldn't be? (And I am not minimizing this. I'm sorry to say I know what clinical depression is. Yuk!) But it sounds like you understand the right thing: that connections with other people is what will bring meaning and respect. You know what the right thing is to do. And you're doing it. Keep it up. You will wind up teaching your mother about love. Let's hope!
