I have been in love with a woman for the past 17 years. We were a closeted couple for the last 14 years. I still am very much in love with her. The thing is, during all these years, I was not her happy ending. Or so she said. She considered herself as straight, saying that someday, she would try to find a man, marry him and have kids. Her perfect little princess dream. And we couldn't tell to our friends, our families. I've been her dirty little secret... But she stayed with me. And I accepted that, because I told myself. "I love her, and if I can't have her forever, I'll take whatever she wants to give me. A year... or 14." And I don't doubt her feelings for me. The only thing lacking in our amazing relationship was the long-term commitment. Still we bought a house and a dog together. To others, we were simply single friends wanting to make investments. It made sense. While I'm not usually a romantic, last Christmas, I gave her an Infinity jewel, telling her about the concept of multiverses, telling her that in every universe, each instance of me has to be in love with her. She started to cry, telling me it was so beautiful, but also how sorry she was that she couldn't be my happy ending... Her reaction triggered a subconscious reaction in me : I started to grieve. And I started to talk with a coworker. A long-distance co-worker. We didn't even know each other, but everything clicked. I thought her voice was sexy, that she was smart, witty, fun. We started to talk about deeper feelings, and every single thing I discovered about her made me want to know more. I didn't even know if she was into girls... I just knew that the half-hidden flirting I did with her was well received... And returned. And after lots of talks, we told each other that we were bisexual. And as feelings developed, I told her about my relationship and she told me about hers. We are both closeted at work, and with our family, we are dating the same kind of emotional women. How can 2 persons, one living inside a frozen Canada and the other one in warm Latin America could connect this much? It's insane, and yet so natural. She was light a rainbow of hope in a bleak-looking future. So, I told my girlfriend about my coworker. And she went crazy with sadness and fear. She started to have panic attacks. She felt betrayed, forsaken. I told her that I didn't have the choice... That if somebody interested me, I couldn't wait all my life for her to decide to be mine. That while I always thought that I couldn't have a crush other than her, it had happened and I owed it to myself to try. So I kept pushing with my coworker. And I got really attached to her. Even long-distance, my feelings for her are intense and deep. That's where the bomb fell... After talking with her shrink, my girlfriend realized she is now ready. She wants to be with me. Commit to me. Have children with me. She was in denial all these years, she was afraid to come out... The thing is, I am scared out of my mind that it's survival instinct, that it's anxiety that makes her talk. But I want that too, that life with her. I've been waiting for this all my life. I am ashamed, though that I also need to meet my coworker face to face. To see what's going on there. Because I feel like if I don't, I will always wonder. I will always doubt. This desire to meet my coworker is scaring my girlfriend so much that she wants to wait before committing to me. So I don't know what to do. Should I meet my coworker anyway, and risking my relationship with my girlfriend for something that might not work in the end, or should I just move on with my girlfriend or try to forget about my coworker?
