Hi, I'm still new and getting the lay of the land, but I was wondering if anyone had advice on how to cope with bias(homophobic or other?) Recently, my GP made some comments that are still sticking to me, like “Sometimes people change their minds later on in life… sexuality’s more fluid than people think… no one’s really 100%” etc. While that can be the case sometimes, it's still just standard ignorant comments. And, even though I don’t think she meant any harm by it or anything, it still really stung, and someone I told said all of that seemed uncalled-for and didn’t understand why she was even saying all of that. She’s also the type to voice her opinion on Everything, so I don’t think she meant anything homophobic, it’s just that this was very personal, but I don’t need strangers questioning or invalidating my preferences. And, in general, I hate it when people seem to be rooting for someone to “change” to being straight, or to get over their “phase”, etc. It’s very frustrating and makes me very anxious, and I just don’t know how to deal with people or situations like that. I know they’re out there and others have it alot worse, I just haven’t run into it that much personally, and have been sheltered from really experiencing that. I’m sorry for making this more of a vent than it should’ve been- my main point and question: does anyone have any advice on how to cope with invalidating/opinionated people with bias? Thank you!
Hey there. General things first : There's usually three main ways of responding to bias/ignorance : The Education Method, which is basically having a peaceful and sound debate with the person(s) about the topic, exchanging ideas, showing proof, explaining stuff, and so on. The Offensive Method : "eye for eye", if they attack you, attack them, until one of you breaks and cries. (not my favourite) The Ignoring Method. Sometimes, ignoring something/someone is the best for you, assuming you are able to ignore them, and it's the best to do at the moment. That one's especially effective with internet trolls. Now, other points must be factored in : it's a family member (GP is grandparent(s), right? Internet slang's so weird; if I'm not right the rest of this post still applies though). Generally, I'd recommend the educational method, and even more here for you. There are ressources out there about sexual fluidity, about validating sexual orientations for people who are scared of "the unknown", etc. That'd give you an occasion to talk with them. If they refuse to change their opinion, well, leave after showing your arguments and progress towards the ignorance method (because at that point unless you repeat it countless times they won't listen to you). If they accept to question their opinion (which often requires lots of convincing arguments and documents, and a couple tries maybe) then keep on talking with them. About more specific things : sexual fluidity exists, but as far as I know, it's not that prevalent or changes your sexuality so drastically. You can clarify with them that sexual fluidity exists, but that they shouldn't hang onto the hope that you'll change, "become straight", later on (heck, you drifting from lesbian to straight is far less credible than from lesbian to bisexual, just saying). You'll also need to address how their opinion hurts you, because they may not understand (and even if you voice it they could just say you're too sensitive, in which case there's no real argument to throw back at them aside from your experience of people invalidating who you are, you know, as examples for them to maybe understand). Long story short : deep breath, solid arguments, peaceful conversation, explaining them how their opinions are hurting you, and when you feel you're going nowhere, end it there and maybe try a few other times. With that, good luck to you.
Thanks you two! And, FluffyLightFox, sorry, I meant my General Practioner(regular doctor), but your advice still does apply. And she does have some valid points that there is some fluidity, but I've already been through my mom questioning me when I first came out to see if I was a lesbian or bi(although my mom was good about it, it wasn't a nightmare experience alot of people go through- she just had some questions in a nonjudgmental way.) I'll certainly take all that into account(although I would rather do either 1 or 3 and avoid 2 as much as possible.) Thanks!!
Doctors are unfortunately not well-trained on the realities of sexual orientation and gender identity beyond basics of sex-education, so try to not depend on your GP for informed answers. One thing you could do is to turn the tables: ask the other person if they themselves experienced a phase or fluidity or how they knew they were straight. Usually, they haven't really thought about it.
OOoh that makes.. sense? I can barely imagine a doctor having that kind of behaviour with their patient, but, oh well, I've seen stranger things.
Thank you, resu and FluffyLightFox! That's true, I've found, but both of your tips are helpful. Thanks!
