I really have no one to talk to. My mom and I are "close" but she is emotionally unavailable and that has rubbed off on me. She raised me alone and I still feel uncomfortable talking to her about personal things. Now that I am older I realize how messed up that really is. But it is what it is. I suppose I could talk to her about anything but the level of discomfort that brings about makes me sad, seeing as she is my mother. My mom and I love each other but there is something missing, I mean I can barely hug her without it being strange. I try not to be as stone cold as her, but I see myself being more like that every day. I do not engage in personal or emotional conversations with friends. When things get serious or deep I just go silent. I have some pretty supportive friends now, but it just feels so uncomfortable. I am hoping that by coming out to them and being truly vulnerable, some of these feelings will go away. But I just wish I had one person I could tell anything to and any time. I don't know where this post is going, but I feel very isolated from everyone because I am a closeted lesbian and because of the lack of emotion in my life. There is not a single person who really knows me. I worry that I will never be able to really develop a deep relationship with anyone. I don't want to keep blaming my mom but I feel like thats where these issues come from.
