1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Do any other lesbians here feel really uncomfortable around straight men?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by sapphiregirl, Feb 22, 2017.

Thread Tools

Thread Tools

  1. sapphiregirl

    sapphiregirl
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 1, 2015
    Messages:
    94
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    London, United Kingdom
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    I've had this issue I've had for a while and it's really bothering me. I always feel so awkward around straight men, and often experience anxiety around them:eusa_naug. I think it has something to do with the fact that I don't want them to feel any kind of attraction to me. I'm not super femme, but more like tomboy-femme, if you can picture that. My sense of style has definitely helped reduce the amount of male attention I receive, which I am pleased about. Yet, I'd like to know how to be more comfortable around men in general. Around gay guys and around women, I'm fine - I feel like I can interact much more naturally, and like I can just be myself.

    I've always had trouble actually becoming friends with guys, and my close friends have always been women. I currently have one (straight) male friend from work who knows I'm gay, and he was really surprised when I told him. Even with him, I feel slightly awkward. In the back of my mind, there exists the lingering thought that he could feel attracted to me (even though he probably doesn't). I know I'm going to have to interact with lots of men in my life, throughout my studies and future career. Ugh, help!
     
    #1 sapphiregirl, Feb 22, 2017
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 22, 2017
  2. PianoKeys

    PianoKeys
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 3, 2017
    Messages:
    347
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Northern Europe
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Hey Sapphiregirl,

    Tomboy-femme, I like that. I think I am that to. I do used to feel a little bit similar but now only when I have the hunch they are attracted to me. And I do not instantly feel that anyone could be. I do try to watch my ways of interacting because I do not want any man to feel that around me. That is if they dont know, which a lot just dont know I am gay.

    I have this guy who is helping me work some stuff out for my website, and sometimes I feel he does it because it likes me and it makes me feel groce when I think about it. Also extremely disappointing if that turned out to be true.

    Other then that, I just assume they dont like me. That would be a bit arrogant of me to assume. (not saying you are arrogant! )

    I think whats best is to not think about it and let it go. And over time the thought likely will go. I hope you dont feel it take a hold of you to much, and that it will pass.

    Just be you and enjoy ! Dont overthink!
     
    #2 PianoKeys, Feb 22, 2017
  3. Gleek99

    Gleek99
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2015
    Messages:
    138
    Likes Received:
    41
    Location:
    Montana USA
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I feel the exact same way.

    For me, it's an internal thing. I just don't want to touch guys unless I have to (a hug, etc.) and I even act different around them (more anxious) than with girls. I got problems.

    :/ :3
     
    #3 Gleek99, Feb 23, 2017
  4. beenthrdonetht

    beenthrdonetht
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 13, 2016
    Messages:
    1,315
    Likes Received:
    482
    Location:
    California
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    This is an example of how reading this forum educates people who are even just tangentially involved in the OPs issues.

    I am a guy who tends to be attracted to more masculine -- let's say less effeminate -- women. Not surprisingly, a higher proportion of these are gay than would be the case with a random selection. What I didn't understand was how males make some of these women feel -- neither party's fault.

    But the outcome is they slip away (at parties, dinners, athletic events) as if I had the worse bad breath ever, or had "Fraud" invisibly (to me) tattooed on my face. Very disheartening. But I've come to understand (via this forum) the huge variety of things that can be going on when two people are sounding each other out, meeting for the first time.

    So viva variety! And apologies to people I've inadvertently crowded.

    P.S. to Gleek: your signature phrase, which I first saw here (maybe from you?) is the best LGTB analogy ever!
     
    #4 beenthrdonetht, Feb 24, 2017
    Last edited: Feb 24, 2017
(You must log in or sign up to post here.)