Hi everyone! It's been a while since visiting Empty Closets, and a lot has happened in my life. Most importantly: now my friends know my sexuality, in addition to my immediate family who knew earlier. They've all been really supportive, which is fantastic. I'm slowly but surely embracing my sexuality, and I'm starting to get the urge to want to talk about guys with my friends. I'm not seeing anyone or hooking up - I just mean the cute people I happen to see as I go about my daily business. I guess it's innocent fun, but at the same time I think I've always felt that it's a bit uncouth to talk about these things. Additionally, since I don't happen to have any friends who are gay, I'm not sure if these conversations would be a bit awkward for them. However, upon reflection, I think I'm feeling a bit isolated because there isn't anyone I have been talking with about this. Hence, I was just wondering whether it's okay to start talking about this with my friends.
That would depend on you and your friends. If you feel comfortable talking about it and they are accepting and supportive, then I don't see any reason why this shouldn't be okay. I talk about it with all my friends (almost exclusively straight guys), and they actually enjoy hearing about it. In fact, a lot of times they bring it up. Haha.
I do it all the time. Actually my straight friends, even my straight male colleagues (and I'm in a field where they're all straight men) will bring it up. Lots of wink, wink, nudge, nudge comments: "I had this guy in my office about a mortgage and all I kept thinking was Steve shoulda got this one. I tried to bring up investments so I could just introduce you, but it was a no go." Stuff like that. I think they like to feel included.:lol:
Hey Astrocyte, ^^ This. It totally depends on the specific friends. The vast majority of my friends are straight. Some of them are completely fine with talking about same-sex things, others are not. Since they are friends, even the ones that are uncomfortable talking about such things don't openly tell me that it's a taboo subject, but it's obvious that they aren't comfortable with it. Others bring the subject up readily. So, I guess I'm saying that you can't be shy about bringing it up, but pay attention to individual reactions so that you can understand which of your friends are really just fine with the subject and which ones you might make uncomfortable with it.
I think it speaks well of you in your 20s that you would consider this. In my opinion, it's important to be just as open and at ease with yourself as you would if you were straight. I also think a good friend wants you to be yourself, and they also probably want the opportunity to show their acceptance. I also think it's really empowering for any man to be comfortable in this way. There's a tasteful way of commenting that doesn't objectify or demean. Use good judgment, and as Quantumreality said, observe their unspoken reaction to see if they're really comfortable. You might annoy them, but you might also be a breath of fresh air because they can switch gears for a moment, challenge their assumptions, and broaden their own life experience a bit through you. Patrick
I used to think it would be really awkward talking about guys with my straight guy friends but I have two that are super cool about it and I don't even have to bring it up, they bring it up on their own. Like others have said it depends on what your friends are like.
I think my friends will be fine with it - I just thought that maybe it was not really tasteful in general to discuss these sorts of things (sexuality aside). I don't know why but I think I always regarded these conversations with friends as a bit childish, but that could've been me in a self-hate stage where I wasn't okay with my own sexuality and therefore almost wanted others not to be able to have that experience either. Thanks for the advice, I'll start giving it a go, see how it's received and take it from there.
Hey Astrocyte, You raise another point. I don't think it's "childish" to talk about these things with your friends, but don't also don't feel that you 'have to' in any sense. If you yourself are not comfortable talking about something, then don't. In terms of your friends, do they talk about "hot" women a lot? If they can talk about their sexual attractions with you, then there is no reason that you can't talk about yours with them.
I think I'd like to start talking about it, to be honest. It was obviously something I wasn't comfortable with in the past because that would've meant disclosing my sexuality, but now I'm okay with it. I know I still regard those who comment about their lack of a partner as a bit off-putting and desperate, but I think talking about attractive people in a tasteful way is acceptable. My friends can mention it from time to time but not excessively. They're comfortable and tasteful about it themselves, so I think I'd like to start being the same.
You should slowly attempt it with friends and see how they react. ''Oh look at that cute boy''. If they react positively then it's a good sign that you can talk about such topics, if they react negative then it's a sign that they are uncomfortable with it, which you should respect and therefore limit the amount of talk around same-sex.
