So, I met this guy on an app. I've been very anti-apps, but went on one for a few days to check it out before deleting it. We had exchanged numbers before I deleted it. I was pretty clear that I was looking for something long-term and not a hookup. He said at first he was looking for the same. But I didn't really get the impression he was looking for something serious, as we chatted there was a good deal of sexual innuendo from him so I got the impression that he just wanted a hookup. After a month of chatting, I was fine with it since I was sick of being celibate, so I met up with him. We met outside his place and went for a long walk (his idea), finally we went back to his place and had really great sex. He's a hot, hairy Arab. He was sort of dominant which I'm not really used to, and we couldn't stop making out. At one point he said he loved me, which I found very odd. I stuttered "I love you too" because I didn't know what else to say, I mean we just met and he seemed to want a hookup, so I didn't want to imagine something that wasn't there. He suggested several times I should come sleep over another night, and we kissed a lot more before I left. I went on the app again (on a different account without my picture), and notice that he's been active since we met, but oddly, since the day we met, he changed his profile picture of his face to some generic background image. I try not to read anything into that, but it struck me as odd. In the days after we met, he's been sort of slow with replying to my messages. After a couple of days, I wrote to him saying I had a great time and would like to meet him again if he's interested too. He said he'd "100%" love to meet and there's really no need for me to ask. I say great and ask when he's free, he doesn't reply for another few days. Today, I ask how he's doing, and he answers that he'll "see if he's free this weekend". I say great, but honestly got the feeling I won't hear from him this weekend. I won't deny that I'm thinking about this guy pretty much all the time, but I haven't been pushy. When he's taking so long to reply, it makes me think he's not into me. His texts make it seem like he's not excited to meet me again at all, despite what he said in person, and what he wrote about wanting to meet after I asked him. I'm very inexperienced and am really not used to this, so please help me out if I'm doing something wrong here. :help:
I'd try to wait to see if he messages you this weekend, and if he does, at what time. If he doesn't message you till late at night and just wants you to go to his place or something, he's probably only interested in hooking up. If he doesn't message you at all, you could try being direct about if he's interested or not.
^^ This, dude. Unfortunately, and for the reasons that you were hesitant to use an app in the first place, it really seems like all he was interested in was a hookup and lied to you to get it. I'm sorry that your first gay experience was like this, but hopefully you can learn from this for the future. You are definitely NOT alone in wanting a straightforward relationship with another guy that can, slowly, develop from a friendship into a romantic relationship. Please don't give up on that just because you've had such a disappointing start to your dating life. My 2cents.
I did ask him directly if he was interested, that's when he said "100%, would love to meet again, there's no need for you to ask". I'll let this weekend pass if he doesn't contact me, but after that I'm not sure what I'll do. Should I contact him again next week, or just ignore him until he takes the initiative? I was fine with the hookup, I wasn't expecting anything else. I've (mentally) given up on the romantic relationship I've been desiring for years, it just doesn't seem to work out for me. Emotionally I still want one though which is why I couldn't help downloading the app just to try it out. But I'm not expecting anything from this, I'm fine with being FWB with him as long as we're clear that's all it is, I just don't know how the communication works. And I'm not 100% sure about his intentions either, some of the things he says hint that he may want something long-term, and we connected very well when we met. But as I said, I'm not expecting anything.
Hey Trooper, Given that he's not very responsive to you, why do you think that he might want to have a long-term relationship with you. Even if you are fine with just having a long-term FWB relationship with him, he doesn't seem very to be very clear about his intentions. Like I said, though, don't give up. There are definitely people out there that feel the same way about relationships as you do. You'll find someone if you keep looking. I would suggest, however, that you change the venue in which you are looking. Apps are usually not the way to go when looking for a longterm relationship. Do you have a local LGBTQ center that you could go to in order to meet other, more like-minded guys? What about local LGBTQ-centric hobby or sports clubs that you'd be interested in joining? After all, a large part of any long-term relationship with another guy is about common interests, not simply sex. Just some thoughts.
He could mean it, or he could just be saying what you want to hear to keep you available. If he doesn't contact you this weekend, you could ask him directly if he's interested or not, but I think it'd be a fairly strong indication that he wasn't too serious if he doesn't take the initiative to message you.
The hookup culture is its own thing, and it's primarily done through the apps. While it's not impossible to find a boyfriend there, it's less common. It really is a matter of determining what you want and then proceeding from there.
