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My Best Friend is Getting More and More Homophobic

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by lgbtqenjolras, Feb 24, 2017.

  1. lgbtqenjolras

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Maine
    So I came out to my best friend (let's call her M) as bi in eighth grade, and we're sophomores now. I always used to think of her of as super supportive but I'm realizing she's actually kinda not. When I came out she told two people and brought it up in front of another person so I was forced to tell them. This was awful as it took so much for me to tell M, but M was still hanging out with me so I asked her if she told the two people she VERY obviously told and she said they "must have overheard you" (which was bullshit) and I let it go. After that she did some dumb straight person stuff ("so do you think you'll marry a boy or girl?" and whenever she changed she kinda yelled "Don't look!" a little obnoxiously), but that wasn't anything I didn't expect so I didn't really care. The next year she outed me again to one of my other best friends whose very religious which pissed me off a lot because M knows there was a chance this friend would not be cool with it. THEN, she forgot she outed me and did it again a few months later. Later that year we were both at another close friends house who I hadn't told (because I had a huge crush on her but no one knew that whoops). M had told us something about herself earlier, and then suggested we all say something about one another no one knew!ยก! My friend said she couldn't think of anything and so did I because I wan't about to come out to the girl I had a crush on in front of someone else. M was like "I know something about (my name) that you don't" to the other girl, and they both kept pestering me to say what it was. I think I made something dumb up to get out of it, but this year M outed me to the same friend anyway. She also says people turned lesbian or turned gay when they're bi and date someone the same gender. I can't tell if she is genuinely denying that bi people are a thing or if she's just trying to piss me off. When I was talking to a girl she asked if I was "a lesbian yet". She also seems to conveniently forget I'm trans, she had hunted down my private twitter on a friends phone and saw that I use they/them he/him pronouns. She asked me about it and I told her I wasn't 100% a girl, but she hasn't brought it up since or ever used my pronouns. Today she told me she'd never date someone bi because she'd be worried about them cheating on her with a boy. Idk what to do??? We never fight or confront each other, and she's friends with all my friends so if I lose her I lose everyone. Please help!
     
  2. OtakuFreak

    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Durham (England)
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I am very sorry to say, but 'M' is not your friend. A friend does not out private information without your consent, especially when it's your sexuality - if it was in a context of where you were in serious danger (e.g your sexuality made you depressed -> suicidal) then that would be acceptable.

    However, she has consistently told people of your sexual orientation which is bang out of order - I could understand if it was a mistake once, but several times? That's not a friend, that's a selfish girl who enjoys drama and gossip - one of the worst kind of 'friends'. What's more evident is that she told an individual with religious beliefs of your sexual orientation which is common sense that there is going to be disagreement and in worst case scenarios, put you at risk of homophobia (Not saying all religious believers are like this, just worst case scenario)

    Additionally, if you told someone that you are transgender, it's respectful for them to use the correct pronouns - while I'm not sure in what context this is I can't say much (they could just innocently forget to use them, I struggled using them with a previous trans friend at first)

    How the hell does your sexual orientation determine your moral compass? Just because your bisexual doesn't mean you have an increased chance of cheating on someone who is straight, or gay, or pansexual. If people indirectly discriminate against your sexual orientation then don't be friends with them (I mean the , oh bi people are gay if they date the same sex).

    I suggest you leave those friends and find some new ones who respect you for who you are - even if you have to end up being alone.
     
  3. mlansing

    Regular Member

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    Gender:
    Male
    It's better to be alone and at peace than stay stuck with so-called friends. I agree with above poster, this girl is not your friend. I would suggest slowly disentangling/distancing yourself and seeking out other people you can be friends with at your school. You can also try your best communicating what bothers you. A true friend would apologize profusely and make amends; a bad friend will get defensive or make a fake apology and continue with the behavior you find upsetting.