I can't believe this has actually happened, but I guy I like is gay! I found out when I overheard him talking to a girl and he told her he was so I saw that as a reason to at least talk to him and after like to small chats he asked me if I was gay and for the first time when asked this question I actually said"yes"(instead of my normal "no" accompanied by a weird deepening of my voice) and I thought my heart was gonna fly out of my chest, but it was like the the beginning of a chain reaction. After this we talked every time I had that class, I moved seats closer to him, and ended up telling four other people I'm gay(two friends and two strangers), but it was like I wasn't scared anymore and it was 100% normal. As we have talked we have clicked a lot, we have similar tastes, humor, and laugh at each other's crappy jokes and it has been magical. The other thing is that all my life I have had severe anger problems and mild depression, which can turn into week long episodes, but since I told him and the others it is like some weight has been lifted off my shoulders and I have been such a nice person and I wouldn't have thought that keeping the fact that I am gay secret would have such an effect, but it has. I'm writing this post because I want to know how I should go about this? I mean I don't even know his last name and I'm pretty sure he doesn't even know my first name, but we still get along really well( we sat together today and talked, though 90% of the conversation was gay sexual jokes, but still) and I feel like this could blossom into something more and if not an actual relationship at least a strong friendship. I don't have that good social skills and all the friends I have are because they talked to me first, but this is the first time I initiated the conversation without making a fool of myself and it went somewhere. Any and all advice would help me out slot.
I suggest you should take it a bit slow, while it's great to feel that connection with someone for the first time, and most likely to have them reciprocated. You must be aware that he could have a bad background, or can be abusive. I know I'm stating worst-case scenarios but it could happen. Take baby steps. Good luck in your relationship!
Thanks, I was thinking something along the lines of this, but I was trying to not be so negative, but I'm glad someone second the thought
When we start to live authentically (in all areas, not just around sexuality) it is freeing and can be exactly like a weight lifted off our shoulders! Sounds like you are on the right track here in general...you acknowledged you are gay for the first time outwardly, you are being more social, you are initiating conversations. All good stuff. And you are seeing the benefits of all this, your being less angry, being a nicer person. That said, I agree with the above poster, take things slow with this relationship. At this point you two don't know a real lot about each other. But meanwhile, continue to do what you are doing. Initiate conversations (not just with him but other people too)--it gets easier each time you do it!
I would venture to guess there is a direct correlation to having found a gay friend, telling other people you are gay and the reduction in anger and depression. And it is fantastic that your recognizing this correlation now at such an early age! The more authentic you are to yourself, the more content you can be. Keeping inside something that is such a fundamental part of whom you are creates anger and depression. Being yourself, genuine and open, is a major factor in eliminating both. This does not mean that everyday life challenges will not impact your mood, but it does go to reflect how important it is to be vulnerable and be yourself. Good luck with working through the potential relationship. Whatever happens there, you have reached a major milestone nonetheless. .
Keep the ball rolling in terms of coming out to others, and hopefully you will make more gay (and other LGBT) friends. Remember that being gay is just the first hurdle to a potential relationship. As for the anger/depression, be aware of how to reduce triggers, and consider visiting your college counseling center, if available. I say that because self-development is always going to help you for both friendship and romance.
